Quick Updates
New Phone Consultations - Last month I began offering 60-minute phone consultations for those who wish to enlist my personal help with their growth-related challenges. If this interests you, see my new consultations page for details.
No More Facebook Pages - I quit Facebook about a month ago, shutting down my personal page and my fan page. I explained the reasons in a blog post last month. This week I posted a follow-up article to share some additional observations. Ironically that second article has been picking up an extraordinarily high number of Facebook "likes".
10 Million Monthly Page Views - In January StevePavlina.com served up 10.3 million page views. That's a new all-time best for the site, and it's the first time we've passed 10 million page views in a month. Onward to 20 million...
Creating Passive Income Streams
Passive income (or residual income) is money that you expect to earn on a regular or semi-regular basis that you don't have to do any significant additional work to receive. Some examples include royalties, investment income, rental income, interest income, and residual sales commissions.
Active income, on the other hand, involves trading time for money. You have to keep working to receive it. If you stop working, you stop receiving. This includes hourly and salaried income, one-time commission income, independent contractor payments, and most work bonuses.
An easy way to tell the difference between active and passive income is to ask yourself how much money you'd expect to receive this year if you stopped working. Your active income stops when you stop working. Your passive income continues to flow whether you're working or not.
This is an oversimplification to some degree. Most passive income isn't 100% hands-off. You may have to invest a small amount of time and effort to keep the flow going, such as maintaining your investment accounts, but perfect passivity isn't necessary to enjoy the benefits.
Society conditions most of us to work for active income. We're taught to go out and get jobs to earn a living. But this can become a trap because active income turns off when you stop working. If most or all of your income is active income, it's hard to get ahead financially. It's also difficult to have much of a life outside of work if you have to keep working year after year to bring in enough money to pay the bills -- or risk going broke.
Of course you can push yourself to earn a higher hourly rate, and that can ease some of the burden if you manage to live well below your means. But quite often when people earn a higher salary, their expenses creep up as well. Many people refer to this as the rat race. It seems like you're working harder and earning more, but you're still just as trapped as you were when you started. You can't afford to stop. Even pausing for a while means you'll hurt yourself financially.
You can also try to build some savings. However, if you're using active income to build your savings, then your savings stop growing when you stop working. And if you go too long without working, then you may have to dip into your savings to cover your expenses. I think it's even better to build savings with passive income, so the amount continues to grow whether you're actively working or not.
Making the Choice
I was lucky to learn this distinction between active and passive income during my 20s, mainly by reading books written by successful entrepreneurs. At some point I made the decision to focus on building streams of passive income instead of relying on active income.
This required some short-term sacrifice. I had to think long-term. I realized that any dollar I earned by trading time for money is like planting a seed, letting it grow a little, and then ripping the plant out of the ground and consuming it. Every year I have to start over and replant.
On the other hand, passive income is like planting a fruit tree. It takes a while for the tree to mature and to start bearing fruit, but then I can keep going back to it year after year to enjoy more fruit from the same tree. Whatever I consume will simply grow back.
I was running my computer games business at the time I made this decision. For the first 5 years of the business, I did contract work for other publishers. But I could never get ahead that way. So instead I decided to focus on building my own direct sales over the Internet. I released small games with downloadable demos that people could play for free. Eventually I was earning thousands of dollars per month from game sales. The income was mostly passive because the sales were fairly stable, and it didn't take much work to maintain the system. Most of my work time was focused on releasing new games to increase sales. The more games I released, the more income streams I enjoyed.
Some of the games I released didn't sell very well. However, they still brought in a little extra money, month after month. For some games the sales were only around $70 per month, but the money kept coming in month after month like clockwork -- for years. That's $840 per year in passive income. Even if you have a lot of little streams that don't do so well, it adds up. When it comes to passive income, even a relative flop still puts some extra money in your pocket.
And if you just keep trying, eventually you may get a hit. Some projects have generated hundreds of thousands of dollars in residual income for me. Even years after the original project has been completed, I still earn monthly residual payments.
By favoring passive income to support myself, my livelihood isn't attached to the number of hours I work. I can take time off, and my income doesn't suddenly turn off if I stop working. My income can't be fired or laid off, so I never need to worry about unemployment. I expect to keep getting paid no matter what.
Since most of my income streams are related to sales in some way or another, the amounts fluctuate from month to month. With enough streams added together though, this smooths out the bumps. So when one stream goes down, another may surge. And of course I'm not helpless. I always have the ability to create new income streams, and I can always fall back to earning active income whenever I desire.
Passive income reduces financial pressure. I can mostly take for granted that my bills will be covered by my passive income streams. So instead of working for more money, I think about my work in terms of what I desire to create, express, and contribute. I don't need all my work to be driven by financial concerns. If I want to earn more money, I can choose to do income-generating projects and create new streams of passive income. But when the money is flowing well, I tend to be less concerned with it. During those times I'm more likely to focus on doing work simply because I enjoy it, and I don't worry about whether it generates much income. For example, I love to write and share new articles. Writing articles doesn't generate income for me directly, but I can afford to do it simply because I like it, and I know that others appreciate my work.
This is a nice way to work. It's low stress and very sustainable. It's very freeing too because I can do projects that I enjoy, even if they aren't money-makers.
I want to emphasize that this is simply a choice. If you want to generate streams of passive income, you're free to do so. If you want to go the active income route, you can do that too. Society tends to condition us to earn active income, but you certainly don't have to play "follow the follower" if you recognize that passive income will be a better fit for your desired lifestyle. There's no right or wrong choice -- it's simply a matter of deciding which set of consequences you wish to experience.
Figuring It Out
For many years, I've been earning six figures per year in passive income. This has included streams like affiliate income, joint-venture deals, royalties, advertising, and donations. I don't need to do much, if any, work to maintain these streams. Money just keeps flowing each month.
I didn't reach this point overnight, however. It took many years of experimentation to figure it out. It was a lot of hard work. Creating passive income may be a smart approach, but it isn't a lazy approach.
Don't expect it to be easy. It can take a lot of experimenting. You have to figure out how to balance 4 different factors: (1) what makes money, (2) what you enjoy doing, (3) what you're good at, and (4) what makes a meaningful contribution.
Ultimately it's important to pay attention to all 4 of these factors. Your best shot at earning passive income will be to incorporate all 4 of these elements into your plan.
Let's consider each of these factors in turn.
Making Money
It's wise to study the various ways you can make money passively. There are lots of possibilities, but some will work better for you than others. I've found that due to my technical skills and Internet knowledge, it's fairly easy for me to generate passive income online with a website. Other people, however, find it easier to make money by investing in stocks. And still others find it easier to earn rental income from real estate.
What I like about making passive income online is that I can start making money right away with a good idea. I don't need to put any money at risk (mine or someone else's), like I might have to do in stocks or real estate.
Before I figured this out, I read books about various ways to earn passive income, including books on investing in stocks and real estate. Somehow I couldn't see myself as a stock trader. Nor could I see myself as a landlord with a bunch of tenants. I wasted money exploring those paths, only to conclude they were dead ends for me. So I chose a vehicle that I thought would work well for me -- generating income online.
I suggest you go to the business section of your bookstore, and browse through the books on different ways to make residual income. There are countless strategies available. You don't have to invent your own. You can simply apply or adapt a strategy that someone else has already figured out. There's no need to reinvent the wheel.
Don't necessarily jump on the first passive income strategy you learn about. Take some time to think about how you'd like to make money. Can you see yourself as an online entrepreneur? An author receiving book royalties? A property owner who receives rental income?
When you think about different possibilities, ask yourself, "Is this me? Can I see myself making good money this way?"
You may find multiple strategies that suit you. In addition to earning money online, I also earn royalties from sales of my book,Personal Development for Smart People, which was published by Hay House. The book has already sold enough copies to earn back the initial advance, so now I get royalty checks twice a year. Since I love to write, this type of income stream is a good fit for me, especially since it's easy to manage.
Enjoying the Work
It's important to enjoy the work you'll be doing to create your streams of passive income. If you don't enjoy the work, you'll probably procrastinate and sabotage yourself.
When I thought about trying to make money from real estate investing, I just couldn't see myself enjoying it. I had no interest in going around looking at properties. The thought of dealing with tenants or a management company made me nauseous. Real estate contracts give me headaches. The work I'd have to do in order to succeed as a real estate investor would have made me pull my hair out. I'd much rather be broke.
Don't force yourself to do work that you don't enjoy. There are so many options for earning passive income that with enough trial and error, you should be able to find something you enjoy doing.
In my 20s I enjoyed writing computer games, so it made sense to use that as a vehicle for passive income. These days I love writing, so that's another good choice for me. If you like doing creative work, then you can generate income by selling or licensing your creative work.
I know some people who absolutely love investing in stocks. I find that sort of thing incredibly boring, but it works for them.
Don't resist experimentation to figure out what you enjoy. It will take as long as it takes. Keep experimenting till you figure it out.
Leveraging Your Skills
Our third criteria is that you need to leverage your skills. It's okay if you're not highly skilled when you're first starting out, but if you wish to generate some serious passive income, then commit yourself to developing some of your skills to a very high degree of competency.
Don't expect to be rewarded for low quality or generic work. If you suck at what you do, you can expect that your income will suck too, whether it's mostly active or passive. Commit yourself to excellence.
Earning passive income doesn't mean you get to rest on your lazy ass and do nothing. It simply means that instead of trading hours for dollars, you'll be using your time to build persistent streams of residual income. It's a good strategy, but it still takes disciplined effort.
Unfortunately there are some unscrupulous marketers who seek to promote passive income as the lazy way to riches. I know a lot of people who earn passive income streams, but I can't think of any who are lazy. They're all hard workers, but they also know how to work smart.
There's no free ride. If you're looking for the easy way out, you'll probably stay broke. You'll also get suckered into buying a lot of info products you don't need, and you'll spend a lot of your working life making other people richer.
When it comes to leveraging your skills, what are you good at? What skills could you develop into major strengths, and how can you use those skills to generate passive income?
For example, if you're pretty good at recognizing the strengths and weaknesses of different houses in terms of their long-term investment value, you could develop yourself into a kick-ass real estate investor. If you're very knowledgable about tech companies, you could develop that skill to become a successful tech investor.
I have a knack for writing, so I pushed myself to become a better, faster writer. This makes it easier for me to leverage this strength to generate streams of passive income. If I was a crappy writer, my income would surely suffer for it.
When you choose a certain strategy for generating passive income, it's important to commit yourself to getting better at implementing that strategy. Become a student of your own passive income streams. Learn from others in the same field. Don't be complacent. Keep reading books, attending conferences, and going to seminars. Be a lifetime learner.
Making a Contribution
The final key to creating passive income is to make a meaningful contribution. If your work doesn't contribute, then essentially you're trying to mooch value from other people, and that isn't sustainable in the long run. Just ask Bernie Madoff.
This is especially important if you're trying to shift your work from active to passive income streams. Ask yourself, How can I positively contribute to the lives of more people than I'm reaching now?
For example, if I worked as a personal coach, that would be an active income strategy. I'd only get paid while I was actively coaching people. My income would be limited by the number of clients I could manage.
If I switch from one-on-one coaching to professional speaking, then I can reach more people at the same time. I could potentially earn a lot more money this way. However, when I'm not actively speaking on a professional basis, I'm not earning income.
But what if I record video of my speeches and put them on a website? Now I can reach people 24/7, and I don't even have to be there. This may not be as intimate as coaching people one-on-one, but it can potentially touch the lives of many more people. With these recordings I now have the potential to generate passive income too. I could post them for free to build web traffic and then monetize the traffic in other ways (advertising, affiliate programs, donations, etc). Or I could sell the videos directly. Or I could license the videos to another company to turn into products, and they could pay me ongoing royalties from sales. There are lots of options.
If you want to generate passive income, ask yourself, How can I provide value to people when I'm not physically there? Passive income comes from passive value. If you figure out how to provide value to people when you aren't there, then it's usually not that difficult to figure out how to turn it into an income stream. All you have to do is ask people to pay for some of that value, either directly or indirectly.
It will take some experimentation to discover the best ways to contribute. You may create something that other people simply don't value, like a product that no one buys. Don't worry about the failures. Just keep testing new ideas. Eventually you'll figure out what works.
Obviously I keep emphasizing the importance of experimentation. Experimentation is critical. You're going to make a lot of mistakes, but that's okay. Every mistake helps you make new distinctions. You won't suddenly wake up in passive income nirvana someday and discover that everything is perfect. You'll always be learning new ideas and tweaking your streams. I've been earning passive income for more than 15 years (and the vast majority of my lifetime earnings have been from passive income sources), but I still feel like there's so much more to learn and to test. I think it's wise to accept that you'll never get it perfect, but you can still enjoy tremendous benefits by getting it mostly right.
Sticking to the Plan
If you want to enjoy the benefits of passive income, then you'll have to make it a priority in your life. It's not going to happen automatically. It will take some effort and hard work. But if you strive to balance the four aspects I mentioned above, then you'll probably find the work motivating and rewarding. You should also feel good about how this work continues to develop your strengths and talents. Yes, it's work, but it's work that feels good.
Let me warn you in advance that society will try to keep nudging you in the direction of active income. If that isn't what you want, then you'll have to muster the strength to stick to your guns. Forget about getting a job. Focus on building a cool life instead.
After I graduated from university, my friends went out and got corporate jobs, while I chose an entrepreneurial path. In the beginning, I struggled to pay my rent while they bought condos and new cars. In the long run, I think my strategy was the better choice. Now I get to enjoy a lot of freedom, while people who chose the active income path are still stuck on the job treadmill. Many of them are now bored and frustrated with their corporate jobs. They wish they had more freedom.
I especially notice the difference when it comes to skills development. My corporate job-wielding friends got really good at pleasing their bosses. They developed specialized skills that they apply over and over to similar types of projects. Their skills development has been very narrow and limited; outside their field, their skills don't matter much. During this same time, I learned how to build successful online businesses, to write well, to speak professionally, to do workshops, to do interviews, to negotiate business deals, etc. These high-level skills give me a lot of leverage, making it harder for me to fail.
This isn't all or nothing. You can still earn active income whenever you desire. I did several 3-day workshops last year, and I recently started offering phone consultations because I happen to like coaching people one-on-one. I earn enough passive income to cover my business and personal expenses, but I still have the option to generate active income if I so desire. Passive income simply gives me more freedom of choice.
It's really nice having a solid base of passive income. It can take a lot of work to reach that point, but it's worth the effort. Most people won't invest the time and energy to go this route, but most of them can't afford to stop working without seeing their income drop dramatically. I think it's nicer to know that you can take a few months off now and then, knowing that your income will keep coming in whether you're working or not. Work because you want to work, not because you have to work.
Follow me on Twitter. Read my book Personal Development for Smart People.
Recommended Products
Site Build It! - Build an income-generating website.
PhotoReading - Read books 3x faster.
Paraliminals - Accelerate your personal growth.
Lefkoe Meeethod - Permanently eliminate a limiting belief in about 20 minutes.
Man Transformation - Attract a high-quality relationship.
The Journal - Keep a secure journal on your PC.
If you've found my work helpful and you'd like to enjoy the spirit of giving too, please make a donation. The average donation is about $11. I'm grateful for your support.
Sunday, February 26, 2012
Steve Pavlina Newsletter Issue #30 - December 20, 2010
Quick Updates
My Work is Now Uncopyrighted - Last week I released my articles, podcasts, and newsletters into the public domain, so they're no longer copyrighted. See this blog post for details.
SBI 2-for-1 Offer Expires Dec 25 - Site Build-It's two-for-one holiday special is good for a few more days. Their offer ends at midnight on Dec 25, 2010. Many readers have already used SBI to create income-generating websites. This is a great service that I highly recommend. It's an easier way to make money online than blogging. See my SBI review, or watch their video tour.
Winnipeg Meet-up - I'll probably host a meet-up on Dec 27th in Winnipeg, Canada, probably in the afternoon at The Forks. I'll post the details on my blog once I have them.
Creating Your Holiday Experience
I've seen a few forum members lamenting that they'll be spending the holidays alone. It appears that this isn't what they want, but they've resigned themselves to it anyway. Their messages broadcast an air of sadness and perhaps a little regret.
It's perfectly fine to spend a holiday alone if that's what you want to experience. There can be many reasons for wanting to do so. Perhaps you value your solitude. Perhaps you don't celebrate certain holidays or find them too commercialized. Or perhaps you just need a break from people. Again, if this is your choice, that's absolutely fine.
But what if your preference is to enjoy a social holiday, and that doesn't seem to be happening? What if you're facing the situation of spending a holiday alone, and you'd rather not have that experience?
The people who find themselves in this situation aren't using their power to proactively create what they desire. They're being too passive to get good results. It's as if they're hoping for some grand invitation to come out of nowhere, when they're scarcely lifting a finger to make their desires a reality. They often invest more energy in complaining than in creating, which is great way to get what they don't want.
Of course if I were to be honest with such people and say to them, "You're using your power stupidly. Stop doing that. It's dumb." they might try to drown me in the punch bowl. So I'll write about it instead, which is much safer. :)
I can empathize with such people and feel compassion for them, but I also know that the "Oh poor baby" approach won't help much. I'd rather offer some realistic advice to get them moving in a positive direction, even if it pisses them off at first. Anger is a higher vibration than sadness, so that's actually a step in the right direction.
This situation is really no different from the person who complains about not being able to find a job while sitting on the couch watching TV or surfing the Internet all day. Does this person expect the phone to start ringing with job offers?
Reaching Out
There's no reason you can't create a wonderful holiday experience for yourself if you're willing to get off your butt and make it happen.
It's silly that so many people spend the holidays in solitude when they could be having a fun, social experience, if only they would take a few simple actions. There are lots of people who'd love to spend the holidays with someone who invited them.
This doesn't mean you have to spend your holidays with people you don't get along with. I'm not suggesting that you tag along for an experience you wouldn't enjoy. But I am suggesting that you have the power to create something fun that works for you.
What kind of people would you like to spend your holidays with? What kinds of activities would you enjoy? Take some time to identify your desires. If you want to spend the holidays alone, that's fine. But if you'd rather have a fun, festive, social experience, what would that look like? Give yourself permission to dream.
Now tell me this. Is it physically impossible to create this holiday you desire? If you really wanted to make it happen, could you do it? Could someone else do it if they were in your shoes?
What's preventing you from making it happen? The problem is seldom "out there." It's usually due to a lack of inner development like low courage or weak social skills. These are fixable problems though. We all start out with certain weaknesses of character, but those weaknesses can be corrected.
Your holiday will ultimately turn out the way you create it to be. You can create a lonely experience, or you can create a festive one. You're always creating something.
The very act of identifying what you desire is a big positive step forward, even if you don't see how to make it happen. Sometimes that's all it takes, and great opportunities will come to you. That won't happen unless you know what you want, however.
What does it take to create a wonderful holiday for yourself? Do you need to bake some cookies? Make some phone calls? Invite people over? Ask others if you can celebrate with them?
Redefining Family Traditions
Some of us grow up with socially conditioned notions of how we should spend the holidays. Since I grew up Catholic, I had pretty rigid notions of how certain holidays are supposed to be celebrated. As I got older, I still liked some of those traditions, but other aspects no longer resonated with me.
I realized that I have the power to create whatever kind of holiday experience I desire. I don't have to settle for a tradition that no longer works for me. I can keep the parts I like and add new ideas as well.
I celebrated the last two Thanksgivings by going to a local raw vegan potluck with 25-30 people, many of whom are friends of mine. I ate an amazing variety of food, had some great conversations, and enjoyed what I perceived to be a more conscious and compassionate way to celebrate this holiday. As I expected, my raw blueberry pie was gobbled up in no time. I loved all the amazing creations people brought -- it was much more colorful than a traditional Thanksgiving dinner. And instead of feeling sleepy afterwards, I felt energized.
On Halloween I was delivering the final day of our last Conscious Growth Workshop. I invited everyone to wear costumes, and about 50 people did so. I delivered the workshop dressed as Obi-Wan Kenobi from Star Wars. I had a blast, and the attendees seemed to enjoy the festive atmosphere as well. It made the learning experience more fun and memorable. I realized that I have the power to create a fun experience whenever I want, even if when I'm speaking on a stage.
Tomorrow I'm catching a flight to Winnipeg, Canada. This will be the coldest place I've ever visited and my first White Christmas ever. It's about 5 degrees F there right now, so I'll probably freeze, but I'm looking forward to the new experience. Rachelle and I plan to do some cross-country skiing, and hopefully we can squeeze in a snowball fight with her friends. We also intend to host a Winnipeg meet-up at The Forks.
These are very different experiences than what I had growing up, but they didn't just happen. I invited them into my life.
Some people also like the experience of doing volunteer work on the holidays. Feed homeless people, pass out gifts to poor kids, or volunteer at a shelter. Does that appeal to you? How hard can it be to find a place to serve?
You have the ability to create whatever holiday experience you desire. It's simply a matter of deciding what you want and exercising your power to make it happen. You're a creative being. Creating a certain holiday experience is within your power.
Building Your Social Skills
Sometimes wonderful invitations will land in your lap. Other times you have to go out and make them happen.
Let me suggest that if no invitations are forthcoming, that's because you're the one who's supposed to do the inviting. Everyone else is waiting on you. Don't let them down.
Creating your own social gathering is a skill. You may not be an expert at it. I'm no Martha Stewart, but with each year I learn a little more about hosting events. I can't say it's a major strength of mine, but I've hosted some potlucks and get-togethers now and then. They've been fun experiences.
Building social skills is like building muscle. The more you train, the stronger you get. When you don't exercise your skills for a while, they atrophy and you grow weaker. That's when you look at something like spending the holidays alone and see it as a daunting problem. In the grand scheme of things, it's a small problem and one that a person with well-developed social skills could solve with a few phone calls. If it seems like a big deal to you, you've allowed your social muscles to atrophy to the point where a 5-pound weight seems too heavy to lift. If that's you, then I'd suggest putting some serious effort into building your social skills during the next year. You can start by joining clubs and going to meet-ups, such as the ones you'll find locally at Meetup.com.
Being socially weak isn't a life sentence. It's your choice if you want to maintain the status quo or become stronger. When you become socially competent, it's fairly easy to design your own holiday experience, invite people you like, and have a fun experience together. It's not like people need a ton of convincing to say yes to a celebration invitation.
If everyone says no because you creep them out or they'd rather do something else, that just means you need to keep working on your social skills -- and probably your self-esteem as well. This is an important path of development for you.
Social Abundance
As you continue to develop your social connections, you may reach the point where you're getting more invitations than you can handle. This is a good problem to have, but don't forget that you're the ultimate creator of your experience.
It can be tempting to always pick from among the options that are offered to you, but realize that you always have the option of creating something new. Even if you get invited to lots of holiday parties, you can still host your own. You have the power to create whatever experience you desire, regardless of other people's expectations. Don't be afraid to say no to the good, so you can say yes to the best.
Creating What You Want
The way to create the holiday experience you desire is to: (1) Let yourself dream about it, to get a sense of what you really want; and (2) Dive into action to move yourself in the direction of that reality. Keep taking action till you figure out how to make it work. Your results won't be perfect, but you'll get a result that's better than nothing, and you'll learn so many lessons that you can apply next time.
The way to create the holiday experience you don't want is to: (1) Think about what you don't want, and (2) Feel bad about it. You can also complain about it to others. Sprinkle some pity on top for good measure, and you'll have a nice little gift to yourself -- the kind of gift you'd rather not receive.
The difference between these two options is choice. Which choice will you make?
I'm choosing the first option. I'm going to enjoy my frozen holiday in Winnipeg. :)
Happy Holidays!
Follow me on Twitter and Facebook. Read my book Personal Development for Smart People.
Recommended Products
Site Build It! - Build an income-generating website.
PhotoReading - Read books 3x faster.
Paraliminals - Accelerate your personal growth.oe Method - Permanently elimi
Lefknate a limiting belief in about 20 minutes.
Man Transformation - Attract a high-quality relationship.
The Journal - Keep a secure journal on your PC.
If you've found my work helpful and you'd like to give back, please Donate. The average donation is about $11. I'm grateful for your support.
Until next time, live consciously!
My Work is Now Uncopyrighted - Last week I released my articles, podcasts, and newsletters into the public domain, so they're no longer copyrighted. See this blog post for details.
SBI 2-for-1 Offer Expires Dec 25 - Site Build-It's two-for-one holiday special is good for a few more days. Their offer ends at midnight on Dec 25, 2010. Many readers have already used SBI to create income-generating websites. This is a great service that I highly recommend. It's an easier way to make money online than blogging. See my SBI review, or watch their video tour.
Winnipeg Meet-up - I'll probably host a meet-up on Dec 27th in Winnipeg, Canada, probably in the afternoon at The Forks. I'll post the details on my blog once I have them.
Creating Your Holiday Experience
I've seen a few forum members lamenting that they'll be spending the holidays alone. It appears that this isn't what they want, but they've resigned themselves to it anyway. Their messages broadcast an air of sadness and perhaps a little regret.
It's perfectly fine to spend a holiday alone if that's what you want to experience. There can be many reasons for wanting to do so. Perhaps you value your solitude. Perhaps you don't celebrate certain holidays or find them too commercialized. Or perhaps you just need a break from people. Again, if this is your choice, that's absolutely fine.
But what if your preference is to enjoy a social holiday, and that doesn't seem to be happening? What if you're facing the situation of spending a holiday alone, and you'd rather not have that experience?
The people who find themselves in this situation aren't using their power to proactively create what they desire. They're being too passive to get good results. It's as if they're hoping for some grand invitation to come out of nowhere, when they're scarcely lifting a finger to make their desires a reality. They often invest more energy in complaining than in creating, which is great way to get what they don't want.
Of course if I were to be honest with such people and say to them, "You're using your power stupidly. Stop doing that. It's dumb." they might try to drown me in the punch bowl. So I'll write about it instead, which is much safer. :)
I can empathize with such people and feel compassion for them, but I also know that the "Oh poor baby" approach won't help much. I'd rather offer some realistic advice to get them moving in a positive direction, even if it pisses them off at first. Anger is a higher vibration than sadness, so that's actually a step in the right direction.
This situation is really no different from the person who complains about not being able to find a job while sitting on the couch watching TV or surfing the Internet all day. Does this person expect the phone to start ringing with job offers?
Reaching Out
There's no reason you can't create a wonderful holiday experience for yourself if you're willing to get off your butt and make it happen.
It's silly that so many people spend the holidays in solitude when they could be having a fun, social experience, if only they would take a few simple actions. There are lots of people who'd love to spend the holidays with someone who invited them.
This doesn't mean you have to spend your holidays with people you don't get along with. I'm not suggesting that you tag along for an experience you wouldn't enjoy. But I am suggesting that you have the power to create something fun that works for you.
What kind of people would you like to spend your holidays with? What kinds of activities would you enjoy? Take some time to identify your desires. If you want to spend the holidays alone, that's fine. But if you'd rather have a fun, festive, social experience, what would that look like? Give yourself permission to dream.
Now tell me this. Is it physically impossible to create this holiday you desire? If you really wanted to make it happen, could you do it? Could someone else do it if they were in your shoes?
What's preventing you from making it happen? The problem is seldom "out there." It's usually due to a lack of inner development like low courage or weak social skills. These are fixable problems though. We all start out with certain weaknesses of character, but those weaknesses can be corrected.
Your holiday will ultimately turn out the way you create it to be. You can create a lonely experience, or you can create a festive one. You're always creating something.
The very act of identifying what you desire is a big positive step forward, even if you don't see how to make it happen. Sometimes that's all it takes, and great opportunities will come to you. That won't happen unless you know what you want, however.
What does it take to create a wonderful holiday for yourself? Do you need to bake some cookies? Make some phone calls? Invite people over? Ask others if you can celebrate with them?
Redefining Family Traditions
Some of us grow up with socially conditioned notions of how we should spend the holidays. Since I grew up Catholic, I had pretty rigid notions of how certain holidays are supposed to be celebrated. As I got older, I still liked some of those traditions, but other aspects no longer resonated with me.
I realized that I have the power to create whatever kind of holiday experience I desire. I don't have to settle for a tradition that no longer works for me. I can keep the parts I like and add new ideas as well.
I celebrated the last two Thanksgivings by going to a local raw vegan potluck with 25-30 people, many of whom are friends of mine. I ate an amazing variety of food, had some great conversations, and enjoyed what I perceived to be a more conscious and compassionate way to celebrate this holiday. As I expected, my raw blueberry pie was gobbled up in no time. I loved all the amazing creations people brought -- it was much more colorful than a traditional Thanksgiving dinner. And instead of feeling sleepy afterwards, I felt energized.
On Halloween I was delivering the final day of our last Conscious Growth Workshop. I invited everyone to wear costumes, and about 50 people did so. I delivered the workshop dressed as Obi-Wan Kenobi from Star Wars. I had a blast, and the attendees seemed to enjoy the festive atmosphere as well. It made the learning experience more fun and memorable. I realized that I have the power to create a fun experience whenever I want, even if when I'm speaking on a stage.
Tomorrow I'm catching a flight to Winnipeg, Canada. This will be the coldest place I've ever visited and my first White Christmas ever. It's about 5 degrees F there right now, so I'll probably freeze, but I'm looking forward to the new experience. Rachelle and I plan to do some cross-country skiing, and hopefully we can squeeze in a snowball fight with her friends. We also intend to host a Winnipeg meet-up at The Forks.
These are very different experiences than what I had growing up, but they didn't just happen. I invited them into my life.
Some people also like the experience of doing volunteer work on the holidays. Feed homeless people, pass out gifts to poor kids, or volunteer at a shelter. Does that appeal to you? How hard can it be to find a place to serve?
You have the ability to create whatever holiday experience you desire. It's simply a matter of deciding what you want and exercising your power to make it happen. You're a creative being. Creating a certain holiday experience is within your power.
Building Your Social Skills
Sometimes wonderful invitations will land in your lap. Other times you have to go out and make them happen.
Let me suggest that if no invitations are forthcoming, that's because you're the one who's supposed to do the inviting. Everyone else is waiting on you. Don't let them down.
Creating your own social gathering is a skill. You may not be an expert at it. I'm no Martha Stewart, but with each year I learn a little more about hosting events. I can't say it's a major strength of mine, but I've hosted some potlucks and get-togethers now and then. They've been fun experiences.
Building social skills is like building muscle. The more you train, the stronger you get. When you don't exercise your skills for a while, they atrophy and you grow weaker. That's when you look at something like spending the holidays alone and see it as a daunting problem. In the grand scheme of things, it's a small problem and one that a person with well-developed social skills could solve with a few phone calls. If it seems like a big deal to you, you've allowed your social muscles to atrophy to the point where a 5-pound weight seems too heavy to lift. If that's you, then I'd suggest putting some serious effort into building your social skills during the next year. You can start by joining clubs and going to meet-ups, such as the ones you'll find locally at Meetup.com.
Being socially weak isn't a life sentence. It's your choice if you want to maintain the status quo or become stronger. When you become socially competent, it's fairly easy to design your own holiday experience, invite people you like, and have a fun experience together. It's not like people need a ton of convincing to say yes to a celebration invitation.
If everyone says no because you creep them out or they'd rather do something else, that just means you need to keep working on your social skills -- and probably your self-esteem as well. This is an important path of development for you.
Social Abundance
As you continue to develop your social connections, you may reach the point where you're getting more invitations than you can handle. This is a good problem to have, but don't forget that you're the ultimate creator of your experience.
It can be tempting to always pick from among the options that are offered to you, but realize that you always have the option of creating something new. Even if you get invited to lots of holiday parties, you can still host your own. You have the power to create whatever experience you desire, regardless of other people's expectations. Don't be afraid to say no to the good, so you can say yes to the best.
Creating What You Want
The way to create the holiday experience you desire is to: (1) Let yourself dream about it, to get a sense of what you really want; and (2) Dive into action to move yourself in the direction of that reality. Keep taking action till you figure out how to make it work. Your results won't be perfect, but you'll get a result that's better than nothing, and you'll learn so many lessons that you can apply next time.
The way to create the holiday experience you don't want is to: (1) Think about what you don't want, and (2) Feel bad about it. You can also complain about it to others. Sprinkle some pity on top for good measure, and you'll have a nice little gift to yourself -- the kind of gift you'd rather not receive.
The difference between these two options is choice. Which choice will you make?
I'm choosing the first option. I'm going to enjoy my frozen holiday in Winnipeg. :)
Happy Holidays!
Follow me on Twitter and Facebook. Read my book Personal Development for Smart People.
Recommended Products
Site Build It! - Build an income-generating website.
PhotoReading - Read books 3x faster.
Paraliminals - Accelerate your personal growth.oe Method - Permanently elimi
Lefknate a limiting belief in about 20 minutes.
Man Transformation - Attract a high-quality relationship.
The Journal - Keep a secure journal on your PC.
If you've found my work helpful and you'd like to give back, please Donate. The average donation is about $11. I'm grateful for your support.
Until next time, live consciously!
Steve Pavlina Newsletter Issue #29 - November 11, 2010
Happy 11-11! Is it just a coincidence that this is issue #29? :)
Paraliminals Enhanced Ultimate You LibraryExclusive Discount
For the next 30 days, Learning Strategies is offering a special Paraliminals discountfor StevePavlina.com readers. Paraliminals are unique meditation-like CDs with Holosync technology, where you hear different messages in each ear. They're extremely relaxing, and they help you program positive action messages into your subconscious mind.
I've been using Paraliminals regularly since 2006 and have been recommending them ever since, so I'm happy to let people know when the publisher is able to offer us a special deal on them. One of the nice things about having a popular blog is that I can arrange exclusive discounts from time to time. I only do this with products I feel good about personally recommending.
Normally the individual Paraliminals CDs sell for $29.95 each, and the Enhanced Ultimate You Library -- a collection of 26 Paraliminal CDs -- is $539.85.
With this discount you can get the Enhanced Ultimate You Library for 4 payments of $86 ($344 total), which is a 36% discount off the original bundle price and a 56% discount off the individual CD price. That works out to $13.23 per CD. That's the best deal I've seen Learning Strategies offer. In the past they brought it down to about $16 per CD, and lots of people grabbed them at that price, so I expect this promotion will be pretty popular.
This discount is only available until Dec 10, 2010. Learning Strategies doesn't offer these discounts very often -- I think the last time was in 2007 -- so if you want to instantly acquire a great library for positive programming, this is the best time to do it. These aren't one-shot CDs. You can expect to listen to them over and over. They're tailored to many different situations you'll encounter.
As you can probably imagine, I have a vast collection of meditation CDs and MP3s (many of them sent to me free by publishers). I keep coming back to the Paraliminals as my #1 favorite collection. They're the best I've heard. Sometimes I use them for relaxation and to de-stress, while other times I use them to condition my mind to focus on my desires, to get things done, or to make positive changes. They're extremely versatile.
I listened to several different Paraliminals while prepping for the last Conscious Growth Workshop about 2 weeks ago. Workshops are always a busy time for me, and those 20-minute sessions were terrific for relaxing my mind, staying focused, and putting me into a creative, motivated state. I sometimes think of listening to a Paraliminal as spending time in a Borg regeneration alcove. :)
I do receive a commission on any sales made through this offer. I think that's fair and reasonable given that: (1) I really like this library and use it personally, (2) I asked Learning Strategies to offer us a special discount, so you get a better deal here than you'll find elsewhere, and (3) arranging win-win-win deals like this one has helped me publish a lot of free content without charging anything for it.
To read my original Paraliminals review and take advantage of the discount, visit the Paraliminals page (the ordering links are near the bottom). Of course everything comes with a money-back guarantee.
To get the StevePavlina.com discount when you order the CDs, mention customer code E1010V-1. You can use this code when you order by phone toll-free at 1-866-292-1861, by fax, by email, or online. Just visit the Learning Strategies web site for complete ordering details, and be sure to enter customer code E1010V-1 to get the StevePavlina.com discount. If you order online, you'll be asked for the code during the ordering process.
Want more information about Paraliminals? Download the 15-page PDF booklet to learn more. If you don't have time to read the PDF now, you can print it out for later.
How to Deal with Criticism
We all get subjected to criticism from time to time -- sometimes harsh criticism. What's the best way to deal with it? Do you simply need a thick skin? Do you try to understand and forgive the other person? Do you fight back?
What if you want to stretch yourself by doing something that may incite others to criticize you more? Do you feel you're holding back in some ways because you're worried about what others might think of you? Will concerns about criticism make you less motivated to succeed? What if this criticism occurs in public?
It's no secret that I take a good bit of flak for some of the things I write about. Since I get subjected to public criticism frequently, I've learned over time how to handle it, so it doesn't bother me or slow me down. So let me share some insights that may help you better deal with criticism in your own life. Some of this may seem counter-intuitive.
1. Accept the Existence of Criticism
First, realize that criticism happens. And the more success you enjoy along a certain path, the more criticism there will be. Criticism is simply par for the course. If you succeed, especially in a big way, you'll be criticized.
This may sound like a bad thing, but in the long run it's actually very beneficial.
It's not that criticism makes you a better person by pointing out your faults. While some criticism can be constructive and positive, most of it won't be. The real benefit is that you'll grow stronger by facing the challenge of dealing with criticism. By learning how to deal with it, you burn off some falsehoods and disempowering beliefs within yourself.
I'm actually grateful that I've received so much criticism because by learning to deal with it, I've become stronger and more confident.
2. Understand the Different Types of Criticism
Not all criticism is the same.
Some criticism is helpful and constructive, but in my experience that's a small percentage of the total, perhaps on the order of 1-3%. Your percentage may vary, depending on what kind of criticism you receive. Most of the criticism that I receive of this nature comes from people who know me really well. They generally deliver this feedback by phone or in person, and we have a discussion about it. It's hard to even call it criticism; it's simply friendly feedback.
Helpful criticism is that which gives you new insights into your thoughts, feelings, and behaviors and points you towards positive change. If criticism doesn't have this effect on you, then it isn't helpful.
Another category of criticism is useless but well-intentioned criticism. Some critics have their hearts in the right place, but their feedback just doesn't do anything for you. I'd say that around half of the criticism I receive falls into this category. Mainly it comes from people who've read my blog, but they've never met me, and we've never had so much as a single conversation. They try to give me helpful advice, but it's filled with too many false assumptions and projections. Deep down, these people are really writing for themselves, or they're procrastinating on something else. They presume to know my situation and what I should do about it, but since they don't actually know me on a personal level, their feedback is rarely helpful or actionable. They provide feedback based on who they imagine me to be, but their imagination doesn't align with reality. I guess these people don't realize that you can't get to know a person simply by reading articles they've written for the general public; you have to meet them face to face or at least talk on the phone.
Yet another form of criticism could be categorized as trolling. Trolls are your typical drama addicts. They want to get a rise out of you and make you react, which makes them feel powerful. These people are often starved of loving attention, so they try to court attention any way they can, even if it's negative. If you respond to them, they'll try to escalate it into a pointless argument. Hence the expression, "Don't feed the trolls." Almost half of the criticism I receive falls in this category. Much of it comes from people in their teens and early 20s who are still working their way through the rebellious "teen angst" development phase.
And a final category could be described as zealotry. These are people who have deep-seated personal issues or beliefs that lead them to target and attack certain people. This is less than 5% of the total criticism I've received, but it's often the longest and most detailed. Such people will frequently crank out thousands of words to attack someone they've never met. I see this mostly from highly religious people since many of the ideas I've shared apparently push their buttons. For the most part, they're simply projecting their inner struggles outward, turning someone else into the bad guy in order to avoid dealing with the parts of themselves they can't accept. If you're the object of such criticism, you become the manifestation of that person's inner demon, so they'll cast you as greedy, selfish, blasphemous, and so on. While they may attempt to get personal, this kind of criticism isn't personal at all. It really has nothing to do with you.
Here are some questions you can ask yourself to determine the nature of the criticism:
Does the criticism seem to be motivated primarily by love or by fear?
Is the criticism helpful and actionable? Do you value it?
How well does the critic know the real you? Are they merely projecting their own issues onto you?
How much of each form of criticism do you see arising in your own life?
3. Notice How You React
Next, notice how criticism affects you. How do you generally react to these different types of criticism?
Do you become pissed off, angry, or defensive?
Do you feel compassion and understanding for what the critic may be dealing with in their own life?
Do you get sucked into a debate with them?
How do you feel about it afterwards? Do you feel that digesting the criticism was a good use of your time? Did you learn anything valuable and actionable from the exchange?
Pay attention to how you're really being affected. Forget about how you wish you'd reacted. Observe your true reactions. Especially notice when you promised yourself you'd take the high road... but didn't.
I notice that with truly constructive criticism, I may initially be a little defensive, but in the end I tend to appreciate it. Sometimes I realize that the other person's assessment is off, and my original mindset remains unchanged. Other times they may see something I've overlooked, and I shift my mindset as a result. Either way, I gain more clarity from these exchanges.
For the other categories of criticism, I've noticed that in the past, my reactions have usually been negative, regardless of how I choose to respond. If I argue and debate, that's invariably a waste of time. If I forgive and forget, I've also wasted my time digesting the criticism in the first place. Either way, it's unhelpful to bother with it at all.
Doing this will quick assessment will raise your awareness of the role of criticism in your life. This helps you make a conscious choice about what to do about it.
4. Silence the Critics
Years ago as my blog traffic began to shoot up rapidly, and more people became aware of my existence, I figured that if I was going to be some kind of public figure, then I should remain open to all points of view. I should welcome criticism and do my best to deal with it.
Boy was I wrong about that. That mindset wasted a lot of my time.
The first basic step was to realize that ignoring unhelpful criticism saved more time than getting into it with someone. It's not that difficult to figure this out, but it can be difficult to apply it if you have a lot of critics in your life. This by itself can help a little, but it isn't much of a solution overall.
The next step was to realize that it was still a waste of time to read or listen to such criticism in the first place. I began to wonder what would happen if I started actively tuning out critical feedback, so it wouldn't even reach me.
I decided this would be a worthwhile experiment, so for several months I began summarily booting unreasonable critics from my life (which means nearly all of them). I began dropping such people hard and fast. If they emailed me, I added them to my spam filter. If they posted on my Facebook page, I unfriended them. If they sent me messages on Twitter, I added them to my block list. If they posted in the forums, I banned them.
It took time to observe the results, but over a period of several months of doing this kind of weeding, I saw many beneficial effects.
First, I felt less stressed and more relaxed.
Second, my own inner critical voice softened. As I refused to tolerate unreasonable criticism coming from the outside, my inner doubts began to die down as well. My confidence increased. I felt better about my decisions.
Third, I felt more motivated. Dropping criticism reduced the drag on taking decisive action. I realized I'm perfectly capable of making my own decisions and learning from the results. I don't need to listen to other people second-guessing my choices. If it's a bad decision, I'll see the results and learn from them. But more often than not, I saw that I was making good decisions and getting good results, and I just needed to trust myself more. By tuning out criticism, I stopped allowing seeds of doubt to take root within my mind.
Fourth, when I nuked the random criticism, it allowed me to pay more attention to actionable feedback from people who know me really well. It's hard to hear this kind of feedback if I'm drowning in fluff.
Fifth, I realized that by engaging with critics, I was generating pointless drama. Dropping this kind of drama freed up more time and energy to create positive stimulation, such as by setting and achieving new goals.
Sixth, my life felt richer and more vibrant overall. I enjoyed some really cool experiences like going on a 3-week road trip. That really brought home what a complete waste of life it is to even look at criticism.
Seventh, the communities around me became nicer. My Facebook page became a friendlier and more constructive place, for instance.
Eighth, I feel less critical and more trusting of others. By preventing the negative stuff from even reaching me, I can pay more attention to the positive items. I can lower my shields and connect in a more heart-centered way. I especially noticed this at my last workshop. During the week after the workshop, I made a point of getting together with attendees who were still in town and hanging out. It's much easier to connect when you don't feel like you're under attack. Interestingly, this also reduces the volume of criticism. If you allow yourself to be more vulnerable and less shielded, you'll tend to disarm would-be critics before they start.
Ninth, critics lose interest when you deny them an outlet. When it gets around that you banish people if they criticize you, it probably won't surprise you that the level of criticism goes way down, at least from those who want to stick around. This doesn't mean you're closed to feedback of course. It just means that people are more likely to think twice before they go kittywompus in your presence. You'll still get the zealots taking their pot shots now and then, but they're a minority, and they're easy to spot. They seem to like banishment anyway since it feeds their persecution complex.
That's a boatload of positive effects. Were there any drawbacks to this? Some people may think I'm a bit ogre-like for doing this, but those whose opinions I respect seem to understand; some even regard it as a no-brainer for someone in my situation. Overall the downside has been virtually nil. In the end I wish I'd had these realizations years ago. In the past I thought I was being magnanimous by welcoming criticism, but today I regard that mindset as ignorant and naive.
My current mindset is that unreasonable criticism (and more than 95% of it is unreasonable) is like a weed being planted in your mind. As soon as you notice it, it's best to pull it out. You don't want weeds growing in your mind.
Is this censorship? Sure, you could call it that. It's perfectly reasonable to censor non-contributing or destructive input. To tolerate its continued presence would be foolish. You can't pay attention to every possible form of input, so cutting out criticism is an easy choice, especially once you realize how it wastes your time and energy.
If you've never tried this before, I recommend a 30-day trial. You need to know what it's like. My words are no substitute for your first-person experience.
So the next time someone in your life starts to criticize you, hang up on them instantly. Put them in your spam filter. Walk away. Close the door. Unfriend them. Banish them to the netherworld. You may miss out on some constructive items, but it will likely be a tiny fraction of the total. You won't miss it.
What if the criticism is coming from family? Give them at least a 24-hour banishment for each infraction -- a week or longer if they're willful or stubborn about it. They'll catch a clue soon enough. Teach your family to treat you with respect. If they walk all over you, you're the one giving them permission to do that; hopefully you can see that this is dumb. Don't expect them to change unless you enforce good boundaries.
Then notice how much improved your life is after 30 days of this.
5. Build Strong Social Support
Once you turn your back on the critics, the next step is to build strong social support. Replace those critics with positive, friendly people who love and care about you. Spend your time connecting with people who will encourage the heck out of you. Dump the people who keep projecting their issues onto you.
It will take time to do this, but you'll have plenty of extra time when you stop filling your life with criticism and sarcasm.
It may piss off your critics even more when they notice how happy you are without them, but you won't be able to hear their screams of protest anyway.
Sometimes you can convert critics into supporters, but that will usually require a period of disconnection and then a future reconnection once they've come around. Don't get too attached to who converts and who doesn't though. That part isn't up to you.
Remember that even Jesus surrounded himself with 12 Apostles, who followed him around and called him Lord and Master. So one denied knowing him, and another betrayed him, but 10 out of 12 still ain't bad. Or maybe it's a lesson that 2 bad seeds can still make a mess of things.
It makes no sense to remain loyal to negative feedback. It's much better to turn your back on those sources, so you can focus your gaze upon the voices that will encourage and support you to be your best self. Criticism won't shape you into a diamond. It will only make you an ever darker lump of coal. To become a diamond, you need people who can see the beauty within you and coax it to the surface.
It's not like you're turning into Joseph Stalin, sending your critics to their deaths, and surrounding yourself with yes-men. All you're doing is disengaging from time wasters and heading in a more empowering direction for you.
Hearing "I love you, and I think you're doing great" will do much more for you than hearing, "You suck and here's why..."
6. Make Your Own Evaluations
What will you do without your critics telling you you're wrong?
You can start by listening to yourself. Pay attention to your own thoughts and feelings. Don't worry about what others may be thinking.
You don't need critics to tell you right from wrong. You can make those distinctions yourself, and you'll do a much better job of it too. Learn to discern when you're acting in accordance with your values vs. when you're violating them.
If you make a wrong turn, you'll see the results, and you'll adapt. Let reality provide you with real feedback instead of relying on the false feedback of criticism.
As you learn to trust your own evaluations instead of worrying about what others think, you'll build experience, competence, and confidence.
7. Do Your Best
In the end, this is a decision you must make for yourself. Do you think you'll excel with an abundance of critical feedback, or would you be better of with lots of loving, friendly support?
There's no rule that says you have to listen to criticism. If you review some of the critical feedback you've been receiving, I think you'll agree that most of it is bogus anyway. And if you happen to think it's valid and that you need it, then I strongly encourage you to kick off a 30-day trial of turning your back on all criticism. You need to know what that's like. You can always roll things back later if you miss it, but I can turn the page by saying you won't want to.
Who will you become with the critical voices muted? Who will you become with the voices of love and encouragement at max volume? Are you ready to become that self-actualized person yet, or do you want to keep weakening yourself by tolerating less than you deserve?
I wonder how many ex-critics are buried in the desert around Las Vegas. ;)
Recommended Products
PhotoReading - Read books 3x faster.
Paraliminals - Accelerate your personal growth.
Site Build It! - Build an income-generating website.
Man Transformation - Attract a high-quality relationship.
Lefkoe Method - Permanently eliminate a limiting belief in about 20 minutes.
The Journal - Keep a secure journal on your PC.
Raising Your Vibration - Feel love and gratitude in less than 10 minutes.
15-Second Marketing - Create a strong marketing message to boost your income.
Follow me on Twitter and Facebook.
Read my book Personal Development for Smart People.
Until next time, live consciously!
Paraliminals Enhanced Ultimate You LibraryExclusive Discount
For the next 30 days, Learning Strategies is offering a special Paraliminals discountfor StevePavlina.com readers. Paraliminals are unique meditation-like CDs with Holosync technology, where you hear different messages in each ear. They're extremely relaxing, and they help you program positive action messages into your subconscious mind.
I've been using Paraliminals regularly since 2006 and have been recommending them ever since, so I'm happy to let people know when the publisher is able to offer us a special deal on them. One of the nice things about having a popular blog is that I can arrange exclusive discounts from time to time. I only do this with products I feel good about personally recommending.
Normally the individual Paraliminals CDs sell for $29.95 each, and the Enhanced Ultimate You Library -- a collection of 26 Paraliminal CDs -- is $539.85.
With this discount you can get the Enhanced Ultimate You Library for 4 payments of $86 ($344 total), which is a 36% discount off the original bundle price and a 56% discount off the individual CD price. That works out to $13.23 per CD. That's the best deal I've seen Learning Strategies offer. In the past they brought it down to about $16 per CD, and lots of people grabbed them at that price, so I expect this promotion will be pretty popular.
This discount is only available until Dec 10, 2010. Learning Strategies doesn't offer these discounts very often -- I think the last time was in 2007 -- so if you want to instantly acquire a great library for positive programming, this is the best time to do it. These aren't one-shot CDs. You can expect to listen to them over and over. They're tailored to many different situations you'll encounter.
As you can probably imagine, I have a vast collection of meditation CDs and MP3s (many of them sent to me free by publishers). I keep coming back to the Paraliminals as my #1 favorite collection. They're the best I've heard. Sometimes I use them for relaxation and to de-stress, while other times I use them to condition my mind to focus on my desires, to get things done, or to make positive changes. They're extremely versatile.
I listened to several different Paraliminals while prepping for the last Conscious Growth Workshop about 2 weeks ago. Workshops are always a busy time for me, and those 20-minute sessions were terrific for relaxing my mind, staying focused, and putting me into a creative, motivated state. I sometimes think of listening to a Paraliminal as spending time in a Borg regeneration alcove. :)
I do receive a commission on any sales made through this offer. I think that's fair and reasonable given that: (1) I really like this library and use it personally, (2) I asked Learning Strategies to offer us a special discount, so you get a better deal here than you'll find elsewhere, and (3) arranging win-win-win deals like this one has helped me publish a lot of free content without charging anything for it.
To read my original Paraliminals review and take advantage of the discount, visit the Paraliminals page (the ordering links are near the bottom). Of course everything comes with a money-back guarantee.
To get the StevePavlina.com discount when you order the CDs, mention customer code E1010V-1. You can use this code when you order by phone toll-free at 1-866-292-1861, by fax, by email, or online. Just visit the Learning Strategies web site for complete ordering details, and be sure to enter customer code E1010V-1 to get the StevePavlina.com discount. If you order online, you'll be asked for the code during the ordering process.
Want more information about Paraliminals? Download the 15-page PDF booklet to learn more. If you don't have time to read the PDF now, you can print it out for later.
How to Deal with Criticism
We all get subjected to criticism from time to time -- sometimes harsh criticism. What's the best way to deal with it? Do you simply need a thick skin? Do you try to understand and forgive the other person? Do you fight back?
What if you want to stretch yourself by doing something that may incite others to criticize you more? Do you feel you're holding back in some ways because you're worried about what others might think of you? Will concerns about criticism make you less motivated to succeed? What if this criticism occurs in public?
It's no secret that I take a good bit of flak for some of the things I write about. Since I get subjected to public criticism frequently, I've learned over time how to handle it, so it doesn't bother me or slow me down. So let me share some insights that may help you better deal with criticism in your own life. Some of this may seem counter-intuitive.
1. Accept the Existence of Criticism
First, realize that criticism happens. And the more success you enjoy along a certain path, the more criticism there will be. Criticism is simply par for the course. If you succeed, especially in a big way, you'll be criticized.
This may sound like a bad thing, but in the long run it's actually very beneficial.
It's not that criticism makes you a better person by pointing out your faults. While some criticism can be constructive and positive, most of it won't be. The real benefit is that you'll grow stronger by facing the challenge of dealing with criticism. By learning how to deal with it, you burn off some falsehoods and disempowering beliefs within yourself.
I'm actually grateful that I've received so much criticism because by learning to deal with it, I've become stronger and more confident.
2. Understand the Different Types of Criticism
Not all criticism is the same.
Some criticism is helpful and constructive, but in my experience that's a small percentage of the total, perhaps on the order of 1-3%. Your percentage may vary, depending on what kind of criticism you receive. Most of the criticism that I receive of this nature comes from people who know me really well. They generally deliver this feedback by phone or in person, and we have a discussion about it. It's hard to even call it criticism; it's simply friendly feedback.
Helpful criticism is that which gives you new insights into your thoughts, feelings, and behaviors and points you towards positive change. If criticism doesn't have this effect on you, then it isn't helpful.
Another category of criticism is useless but well-intentioned criticism. Some critics have their hearts in the right place, but their feedback just doesn't do anything for you. I'd say that around half of the criticism I receive falls into this category. Mainly it comes from people who've read my blog, but they've never met me, and we've never had so much as a single conversation. They try to give me helpful advice, but it's filled with too many false assumptions and projections. Deep down, these people are really writing for themselves, or they're procrastinating on something else. They presume to know my situation and what I should do about it, but since they don't actually know me on a personal level, their feedback is rarely helpful or actionable. They provide feedback based on who they imagine me to be, but their imagination doesn't align with reality. I guess these people don't realize that you can't get to know a person simply by reading articles they've written for the general public; you have to meet them face to face or at least talk on the phone.
Yet another form of criticism could be categorized as trolling. Trolls are your typical drama addicts. They want to get a rise out of you and make you react, which makes them feel powerful. These people are often starved of loving attention, so they try to court attention any way they can, even if it's negative. If you respond to them, they'll try to escalate it into a pointless argument. Hence the expression, "Don't feed the trolls." Almost half of the criticism I receive falls in this category. Much of it comes from people in their teens and early 20s who are still working their way through the rebellious "teen angst" development phase.
And a final category could be described as zealotry. These are people who have deep-seated personal issues or beliefs that lead them to target and attack certain people. This is less than 5% of the total criticism I've received, but it's often the longest and most detailed. Such people will frequently crank out thousands of words to attack someone they've never met. I see this mostly from highly religious people since many of the ideas I've shared apparently push their buttons. For the most part, they're simply projecting their inner struggles outward, turning someone else into the bad guy in order to avoid dealing with the parts of themselves they can't accept. If you're the object of such criticism, you become the manifestation of that person's inner demon, so they'll cast you as greedy, selfish, blasphemous, and so on. While they may attempt to get personal, this kind of criticism isn't personal at all. It really has nothing to do with you.
Here are some questions you can ask yourself to determine the nature of the criticism:
Does the criticism seem to be motivated primarily by love or by fear?
Is the criticism helpful and actionable? Do you value it?
How well does the critic know the real you? Are they merely projecting their own issues onto you?
How much of each form of criticism do you see arising in your own life?
3. Notice How You React
Next, notice how criticism affects you. How do you generally react to these different types of criticism?
Do you become pissed off, angry, or defensive?
Do you feel compassion and understanding for what the critic may be dealing with in their own life?
Do you get sucked into a debate with them?
How do you feel about it afterwards? Do you feel that digesting the criticism was a good use of your time? Did you learn anything valuable and actionable from the exchange?
Pay attention to how you're really being affected. Forget about how you wish you'd reacted. Observe your true reactions. Especially notice when you promised yourself you'd take the high road... but didn't.
I notice that with truly constructive criticism, I may initially be a little defensive, but in the end I tend to appreciate it. Sometimes I realize that the other person's assessment is off, and my original mindset remains unchanged. Other times they may see something I've overlooked, and I shift my mindset as a result. Either way, I gain more clarity from these exchanges.
For the other categories of criticism, I've noticed that in the past, my reactions have usually been negative, regardless of how I choose to respond. If I argue and debate, that's invariably a waste of time. If I forgive and forget, I've also wasted my time digesting the criticism in the first place. Either way, it's unhelpful to bother with it at all.
Doing this will quick assessment will raise your awareness of the role of criticism in your life. This helps you make a conscious choice about what to do about it.
4. Silence the Critics
Years ago as my blog traffic began to shoot up rapidly, and more people became aware of my existence, I figured that if I was going to be some kind of public figure, then I should remain open to all points of view. I should welcome criticism and do my best to deal with it.
Boy was I wrong about that. That mindset wasted a lot of my time.
The first basic step was to realize that ignoring unhelpful criticism saved more time than getting into it with someone. It's not that difficult to figure this out, but it can be difficult to apply it if you have a lot of critics in your life. This by itself can help a little, but it isn't much of a solution overall.
The next step was to realize that it was still a waste of time to read or listen to such criticism in the first place. I began to wonder what would happen if I started actively tuning out critical feedback, so it wouldn't even reach me.
I decided this would be a worthwhile experiment, so for several months I began summarily booting unreasonable critics from my life (which means nearly all of them). I began dropping such people hard and fast. If they emailed me, I added them to my spam filter. If they posted on my Facebook page, I unfriended them. If they sent me messages on Twitter, I added them to my block list. If they posted in the forums, I banned them.
It took time to observe the results, but over a period of several months of doing this kind of weeding, I saw many beneficial effects.
First, I felt less stressed and more relaxed.
Second, my own inner critical voice softened. As I refused to tolerate unreasonable criticism coming from the outside, my inner doubts began to die down as well. My confidence increased. I felt better about my decisions.
Third, I felt more motivated. Dropping criticism reduced the drag on taking decisive action. I realized I'm perfectly capable of making my own decisions and learning from the results. I don't need to listen to other people second-guessing my choices. If it's a bad decision, I'll see the results and learn from them. But more often than not, I saw that I was making good decisions and getting good results, and I just needed to trust myself more. By tuning out criticism, I stopped allowing seeds of doubt to take root within my mind.
Fourth, when I nuked the random criticism, it allowed me to pay more attention to actionable feedback from people who know me really well. It's hard to hear this kind of feedback if I'm drowning in fluff.
Fifth, I realized that by engaging with critics, I was generating pointless drama. Dropping this kind of drama freed up more time and energy to create positive stimulation, such as by setting and achieving new goals.
Sixth, my life felt richer and more vibrant overall. I enjoyed some really cool experiences like going on a 3-week road trip. That really brought home what a complete waste of life it is to even look at criticism.
Seventh, the communities around me became nicer. My Facebook page became a friendlier and more constructive place, for instance.
Eighth, I feel less critical and more trusting of others. By preventing the negative stuff from even reaching me, I can pay more attention to the positive items. I can lower my shields and connect in a more heart-centered way. I especially noticed this at my last workshop. During the week after the workshop, I made a point of getting together with attendees who were still in town and hanging out. It's much easier to connect when you don't feel like you're under attack. Interestingly, this also reduces the volume of criticism. If you allow yourself to be more vulnerable and less shielded, you'll tend to disarm would-be critics before they start.
Ninth, critics lose interest when you deny them an outlet. When it gets around that you banish people if they criticize you, it probably won't surprise you that the level of criticism goes way down, at least from those who want to stick around. This doesn't mean you're closed to feedback of course. It just means that people are more likely to think twice before they go kittywompus in your presence. You'll still get the zealots taking their pot shots now and then, but they're a minority, and they're easy to spot. They seem to like banishment anyway since it feeds their persecution complex.
That's a boatload of positive effects. Were there any drawbacks to this? Some people may think I'm a bit ogre-like for doing this, but those whose opinions I respect seem to understand; some even regard it as a no-brainer for someone in my situation. Overall the downside has been virtually nil. In the end I wish I'd had these realizations years ago. In the past I thought I was being magnanimous by welcoming criticism, but today I regard that mindset as ignorant and naive.
My current mindset is that unreasonable criticism (and more than 95% of it is unreasonable) is like a weed being planted in your mind. As soon as you notice it, it's best to pull it out. You don't want weeds growing in your mind.
Is this censorship? Sure, you could call it that. It's perfectly reasonable to censor non-contributing or destructive input. To tolerate its continued presence would be foolish. You can't pay attention to every possible form of input, so cutting out criticism is an easy choice, especially once you realize how it wastes your time and energy.
If you've never tried this before, I recommend a 30-day trial. You need to know what it's like. My words are no substitute for your first-person experience.
So the next time someone in your life starts to criticize you, hang up on them instantly. Put them in your spam filter. Walk away. Close the door. Unfriend them. Banish them to the netherworld. You may miss out on some constructive items, but it will likely be a tiny fraction of the total. You won't miss it.
What if the criticism is coming from family? Give them at least a 24-hour banishment for each infraction -- a week or longer if they're willful or stubborn about it. They'll catch a clue soon enough. Teach your family to treat you with respect. If they walk all over you, you're the one giving them permission to do that; hopefully you can see that this is dumb. Don't expect them to change unless you enforce good boundaries.
Then notice how much improved your life is after 30 days of this.
5. Build Strong Social Support
Once you turn your back on the critics, the next step is to build strong social support. Replace those critics with positive, friendly people who love and care about you. Spend your time connecting with people who will encourage the heck out of you. Dump the people who keep projecting their issues onto you.
It will take time to do this, but you'll have plenty of extra time when you stop filling your life with criticism and sarcasm.
It may piss off your critics even more when they notice how happy you are without them, but you won't be able to hear their screams of protest anyway.
Sometimes you can convert critics into supporters, but that will usually require a period of disconnection and then a future reconnection once they've come around. Don't get too attached to who converts and who doesn't though. That part isn't up to you.
Remember that even Jesus surrounded himself with 12 Apostles, who followed him around and called him Lord and Master. So one denied knowing him, and another betrayed him, but 10 out of 12 still ain't bad. Or maybe it's a lesson that 2 bad seeds can still make a mess of things.
It makes no sense to remain loyal to negative feedback. It's much better to turn your back on those sources, so you can focus your gaze upon the voices that will encourage and support you to be your best self. Criticism won't shape you into a diamond. It will only make you an ever darker lump of coal. To become a diamond, you need people who can see the beauty within you and coax it to the surface.
It's not like you're turning into Joseph Stalin, sending your critics to their deaths, and surrounding yourself with yes-men. All you're doing is disengaging from time wasters and heading in a more empowering direction for you.
Hearing "I love you, and I think you're doing great" will do much more for you than hearing, "You suck and here's why..."
6. Make Your Own Evaluations
What will you do without your critics telling you you're wrong?
You can start by listening to yourself. Pay attention to your own thoughts and feelings. Don't worry about what others may be thinking.
You don't need critics to tell you right from wrong. You can make those distinctions yourself, and you'll do a much better job of it too. Learn to discern when you're acting in accordance with your values vs. when you're violating them.
If you make a wrong turn, you'll see the results, and you'll adapt. Let reality provide you with real feedback instead of relying on the false feedback of criticism.
As you learn to trust your own evaluations instead of worrying about what others think, you'll build experience, competence, and confidence.
7. Do Your Best
In the end, this is a decision you must make for yourself. Do you think you'll excel with an abundance of critical feedback, or would you be better of with lots of loving, friendly support?
There's no rule that says you have to listen to criticism. If you review some of the critical feedback you've been receiving, I think you'll agree that most of it is bogus anyway. And if you happen to think it's valid and that you need it, then I strongly encourage you to kick off a 30-day trial of turning your back on all criticism. You need to know what that's like. You can always roll things back later if you miss it, but I can turn the page by saying you won't want to.
Who will you become with the critical voices muted? Who will you become with the voices of love and encouragement at max volume? Are you ready to become that self-actualized person yet, or do you want to keep weakening yourself by tolerating less than you deserve?
I wonder how many ex-critics are buried in the desert around Las Vegas. ;)
Recommended Products
PhotoReading - Read books 3x faster.
Paraliminals - Accelerate your personal growth.
Site Build It! - Build an income-generating website.
Man Transformation - Attract a high-quality relationship.
Lefkoe Method - Permanently eliminate a limiting belief in about 20 minutes.
The Journal - Keep a secure journal on your PC.
Raising Your Vibration - Feel love and gratitude in less than 10 minutes.
15-Second Marketing - Create a strong marketing message to boost your income.
Follow me on Twitter and Facebook.
Read my book Personal Development for Smart People.
Until next time, live consciously!
Steve Pavlina Newsletter Issue #28 - October 16, 2010
October CGW Starts in 2 Weeks
The October Conscious Growth Workshop, which I expect will be the last one I deliver, kicks off in only 2 more weeks. We're expecting at least 100 people for this one, so it's going to be a fun, high-energy weekend. About a third of attendees are coming from outside the USA.
The price for CGW is $497 through October 25th. After that it bumps up to $597, so don't wait too much longer if you're going to register.
Remember that as soon as you register for CGW, you'll receive the 3 downloadable bonuses immediately, so you can begin using those to your advantage right away. At least one of those bonuses (The CGW Guide) contains advice to help you plan your trip to get the most out of your experience.
Wear a Halloween Costume at CGW
The final day of CGW is October 31st, which is Halloween. If you're attending CGW, I encourage you to wear a Halloween costume on that day. Erin and I will both be wearing costumes.
Wearing a costume is optional, but it would be great if you can manage it. If most people wear costumes, it will make the workshop more fun for everyone. Also, when we do the courage-building exercises in public (outside the workshop room), you'll have the opportunity to interact with people as your character. That doesn't necessarily make the exercises harder or easier -- it just gives you more variety to play around with. Where else will you have the opportunity to face challenges and have new growth experiences in such a fun way?
If you do bring a costume, just wear it on the final day of CGW (Sunday), not for all three days.
If you're unfamiliar with Halloween, such as if you're from a country where Halloween isn't well-known, you can look it up via Google or Wikipedia, or ask about it in our forums.
Feel free to use the CGW forum to discuss costume ideas with other attendees if you'd like to coordinate what you'll wear as part of a group. Years ago one of my friends got a group of people together to dress as the Scooby Doo gang. They had a great time walking around Hollywood and posing for photos with tourists.
I invite anyone who will still be in town Sunday evening after the workshop to stay in costume and walk around the Las Vegas Strip together. That should be a lot of fun, as it's common for people to dress up and parade around after dark. I believe the Vegas Strip will be closed to car traffic that night, so the revelers can have the run of the place. It will be a fun way to celebrate the end of CGW. On Halloween the Vegas Strip basically becomes the world's biggest costume party.
Some useful links:
Conscious Growth Workshop (all the details, who should attend, what you'll learn, daily schedule)
Workshop FAQ (questions answered, travel advice, Las Vegas info)
Register NOW (take action, engage, make it so)
See you in Vegas!
Pursuing a Crazy Idea
Have you ever been struck by a crazy and impulsive idea, wondering what would happen if you actually pursued it? I recently had an experience like that, so I'm in a good place to share some insights about it.
On Wednesday I returned to Las Vegas after a 23-day road trip. It was an amazing journey through 9 U.S. states and 2 Canadian provinces, and I'm so glad I did it. For the purpose of this article, I want to focus on one particular day of that trip: Day 21.
Actually, the story of that day began the night before. I was staying in Columbia Falls, Montana, a small mountain town west of Glacier Park. I knew that I wanted to visit Yellowstone Park the next day, but I wasn't sure where I was going to stay the next night.
I figured that if I left before dawn, I could make it to Yellowstone by noon and still have several daylight hours to enjoy the park. But I didn't care to stay the night in Yellowstone or any of the surrounding towns. After Yellowstone, I wanted to hit Salt Lake City next. But from Columbia Falls, it's about a 6-hour drive to Yellowstone, and then it's another 6-hour drive from Yellowstone to Salt Lake City. Depending on which route I took, the total distance would be at least 750 miles. That was way too much driving for one day. I'd have to split the distance over two days and find a place to spend the night in or near Yellowstone.
But then some voice inside of me said, "Make the whole journey in one day. So what if it's crazy? It will be a kick-ass challenge. Frakkin' go for it!"
It was a crazy idea of course. Who in their right mind would do a 6-hour drive, explore Yellowstone Park for several hours, and then do another 6-hour drive -- all in one day? That's just nutso.
And yet, I couldn't shake the idea. I went to bed that night still dwelling on it. Part of me said I should go for it. Another part of me dismissed it as ludicrous. So I went to bed undecided. I didn't make any plans for where to stay the next night because I wasn't sure what I was going to do.
The next morning I popped awake at 4:45am. I packed up, got gas for the car, and hit the road at 5:50am. As I began driving to Yellowstone, snacking on apples and bananas so I wouldn't have to stop for breakfast, I was still possessed by the crazy idea of making it to Salt Lake City by the end of the day.
As I anticipated, I made it to Yellowstone Park just before noon, driving through some amazing terrain along the way. Going at my own pace, I visited many interesting sites including rivers, geysers, hot springs, Yellowstone Lake, and more. I saw deer and bison as well as a wolf and a small bear. I exchange light banter with other tourists. I witnessed a timely eruption of Old Faithful.
I've been to many national parks, and I've gone camping dozens of times, so I'm no stranger to such locations. I'd already been through the Canadian Rockies and Glacier Park on this trip, seeing some beautiful places like Lake Louise and Banff, but I was blown away by the natural beauty -- and the variety -- of Yellowstone. It's a truly magical place. In case you didn't know, Yellowstone is the world's very first national park.
By 4pm I'd seen everything I wanted to see. The crazy idea of immediately doing another 6-hour drive to Salt Lake City was still stuck with me, so I decided to go for it. This would mean breaking my previous one-day driving record by about double.
To make it even more insane, instead of taking the most direct route, I decided to take the scenic route, going south through Grand Teton Park. This would make the drive even longer, especially since it required spending a lot of time on winding mountain roads at about 45 miles per hour. And after that, it would require traveling down a series of single-lane highways through Wyoming, Idaho, and Utah.
But somehow I did it, reaching Salt Lake City at 10:30pm. I didn't know where I was going to stay in advance, so I used my cell phone to find a hotel and drove straight to it. I booked a room at the counter when I got there. Fortunately there was a 24-hour grocery store across the street where I was able to procure a late dinner.
I drove 790 miles that day (1270 km). Including the time I was driving through Yellowstone, I probably spent 13-14 hours behind the wheel. When I finally collapsed into bed and closed my eyes, I still felt like I was speeding down the highway. I also dreamt that I was driving.
It was a crazy idea, but it turned out to be an amazing, rewarding, and memorable day. I saw many fascinating sights along the way, all through territory I'd never visited before. A few times I was driving on such remote roads that more than 10 minutes would pass before I saw another car on either side. For a guy who grew up in Los Angeles, it's an unusual experience to see more cows than cars on the road.
The road trip itself was also a crazy idea. There were lots of reasons not to go. I wouldn't see my kids for 3+ weeks. I'd be neglecting my business projects. And so on. But then the crazy voice would chime in again: "Frakkin' go for it!"
When to Be Crazy
I'm sure there have been times in your life when you've had a crazy impulse. How do you know when it's a good idea to act on it?
I wouldn't say it's always a good idea to act on such impulses. Some impulsive ideas can be quite destructive. I've had experiences along those lines from my teen years, although in hindsight they still turned out to be powerful growth catalysts.
But other times, these urges are coming from a place within you that knows you're capable of more. It's the part of you that wants to stretch. It's the part of you that's tired of settling for the mundane and the routine. It's your passion trying to awaken.
How can you tell the difference? I think that comes from experience. As you selectively act on some of your impulse ideas, your wisdom will grow. You'll learn to push yourself without being self-destructive.
One aspect of wisdom is learning to trust yourself. For example, even as I pushed myself to do so much driving in one day, I trusted that I wasn't going to do anything too risky. A couple of times when I felt fatigued, I pulled over to a rest area and took a 20-minute nap. I continued driving when I felt refreshed and alert. When I thought I might be getting a leg cramp, I stopped and stretched for a while. And I always knew that if I got burnt out on driving, I could find a place to stay and quit for the day... or simply pull over and sleep in my car for a few hours. So I didn't back myself into a corner where I'd be forced to do something stupid or dangerous.
Another aspect of wisdom is staying in the sweet spot of challenge. I knew that it was physically possible for me to end up in Salt Lake City by the end of the day. I wasn't trying to do the impossible. But I could also see that it was going to be challenging. For me this crazy idea was right in the sweet spot. It was beyond anything I'd done before, so I'd have to push myself, but it was technically possible. If I could pull it off, it would be a nice growth experience for me.
My little story may not be that exciting to you, but that isn't the point. It's enough that it excited and challenged me. Your task is to pursue those crazy ideas that are exciting and challenging for you, regardless of what others might think.
Too Tight vs. Too Loose
If you act on every crazy idea that crosses your mind, you're playing too loose. Eventually you'll do something stupid that will backfire in a big way.
On the other hand, if you dismiss all of your crazy ideas without ever acting on them, then you're playing too tight. You'll miss some golden growth opportunities, and your life will become very dull and demotivating.
How do you know whether you're playing too tight or too loose?
If you're feeling stressed out by all the craziness in your life, or if your impulse actions are creating negative consequences that are a pain to deal with, then you're playing too loose. Tighten up a bit, and let some of those crazy ideas pass through your mind without acting on them. Pause and reflect on your impulse ideas before you act. Journal about them. Discuss them with a friend. Slow down, fire up your logical mind, and consider the potential consequences.
On the other hand, if you feel that your life is becoming boring and repetitive, and you're craving more passion and excitement, then you're playing too tight. It's time to push yourself more. Look for ways you can begin to act on some of your crazy ideas to see where they lead you.
Balance
For many years, my life was out of balance. Personal dreams like traveling were always pushed back as I tended to the more important career and contribution goals. When I considered doing some extended travel, it always seemed too selfish and low-priority. I could never justify it. My travel goals were perpetually stuck on my Someday/Maybe list. They were fantasies but not realities.
It was only when I allowed myself to finally act on the crazy impulse to travel that I broke through those limitations. That voice was there all along, but I'd always tuned it out. Eventually I came to see that all the limitations I had were self-imposed. I was the one who deemed it a bad idea to take time off for myself. It was my own limiting beliefs that said I'd be negligent if I didn't see my kids for a few weeks, or that I was being irresponsible if I let my business projects slide for a while.
It didn't matter how other people might judge me. I was my own harshest critic.
Even so, some people did judge me for it. I remember seeing one forum member post fairly critical feedback about the road trip idea. But by that point, I was already committed to it. Outwardly I ignored the feedback, but my inner response was, "Piss off, loser! I'm excited about this, and I'm doing it anyway."
But of course I was really saying "piss off" to the old limiting beliefs within myself, beliefs that I could clearly see weren't fulfilling me.
When I finally allowed the crazy part within me to express itself, I was pleased to see that I didn't self-destruct after all. Instead I began to feel I much more whole and integrated.
I remember when I was in the Canadian Rockies, looking across Lake Louise at the snowy mountains behind it, I thought to myself, "Maybe it's a little crazy that I drove thousands of miles to get here, but I'm loving it!"
I've spent about 9-10 weeks traveling out of state this year, with 4 of those weeks spent out of the country (5 weeks if you include Puerto Rico). By some people's standards, that may not be a lot, but compared to my previous pattern, it's a huge change. It's way more than I've traveled in any previous year. And I see it as just the beginning. In 2011 I intend to devote even more time to traveling.
Is it a good idea for me to spend so much time away from home, selfishly pursuing my own goals without trying to turn them in a work projects or a form of service for others? It's hard to say. The reasons not to do it are still in the back of my mind. I can focus on those reasons and slip back into my previous patterns, but I already know those patterns aren't as fulfilling as this crazy new one. So I'm going to keep pushing myself to act on that crazy voice, if only because I feel happier and more fulfilled when I do so.
Acting on your crazy voice can expand your sense of possibility. After driving almost 800 miles in a single day, the Western USA seems a little smaller to me now. If I wanted to, I could drive out of Vegas one morning and be in San Francisco, Denver, or Albuquerque by nightfall. I could even drive to Mexico. I'm not feeling inspired to do those things right now, but it's nice knowing that experiences that would have previously been outside my comfort zone no longer seem so daunting.
I'm now considering doing a road trip through Europe. I've never been there, despite the fact that traveling through Europe has been on my goals list forever. I think it would be fun to travel through many different countries by car, so I could see the countryside as well as the cities. Of course there are plenty of reasons not to do it, but how much will they really matter when I'm strolling through Paris?
When your life is out of balance, acting on your crazy voice can help you bust up patterns that aren't working for you, so you can create a life that's more challenging and more fulfilling. Easy is boring.
Despite their apparent illogical nature, there's a certain wisdom in acting on crazy impulses from time to time. They can help you discover new truths about yourself. They can expose you to new growth experiences you'd otherwise miss completely. And they can help you face challenges that will make you stronger.
When you return to your normal life after such an experience, it's not quite the same. It's easier to see what hasn't been working for you and change it. For example, when I returned from my trip a few days ago, I realized that my communication processes weren't working. I was still spending too much time and energy dealing with communication, and that was crowding out more important goals. Over the years I tried various ways of handling it, such as a FAQ and a well-crafted autoresponder, but after this trip I realized that I simply needed to shut off the flood. So a couple days ago, I took down my website's contact form, replacing it with a short page explaining the reasons why. While I love to connect with people, email is not the right medium for it -- it's too weak of a substitute for face to face interaction. I didn't have that level of clarity until taking this road trip, getting away from my routine for 3+ weeks, and coming back to see it through fresh eyes. There's a blog post about this if you wish to read the details.
What is your crazy voice telling you to do right now? What might happen if you acted on it this time?
Maybe the reasons not to act are valid and reasonable. Or maybe they're just limiting thoughts that have been keeping you stuck.
Frakkin' go for it!
Recommended Products
PhotoReading - Read books 3x faster.
Paraliminals - Accelerate your personal growth.
Site Build It! - Build an income-generating website.
Man Transformation - Attract a high-quality relationship.
Lefkoe Method - Permanently eliminate a limiting belief in about 20 minutes.
The Journal - Keep a secure journal on your PC.
Raising Your Vibration - Feel love and gratitude in less than 10 minutes.
15-Second Marketing - Create a strong marketing message to boost your income.
Follow me on Twitter and Facebook.
Read my book Personal Development for Smart People.
Accelerate your growth and make smart new friends by attending the Conscious Growth Workshop in Las Vegas.
Until next time, live consciously!
The October Conscious Growth Workshop, which I expect will be the last one I deliver, kicks off in only 2 more weeks. We're expecting at least 100 people for this one, so it's going to be a fun, high-energy weekend. About a third of attendees are coming from outside the USA.
The price for CGW is $497 through October 25th. After that it bumps up to $597, so don't wait too much longer if you're going to register.
Remember that as soon as you register for CGW, you'll receive the 3 downloadable bonuses immediately, so you can begin using those to your advantage right away. At least one of those bonuses (The CGW Guide) contains advice to help you plan your trip to get the most out of your experience.
Wear a Halloween Costume at CGW
The final day of CGW is October 31st, which is Halloween. If you're attending CGW, I encourage you to wear a Halloween costume on that day. Erin and I will both be wearing costumes.
Wearing a costume is optional, but it would be great if you can manage it. If most people wear costumes, it will make the workshop more fun for everyone. Also, when we do the courage-building exercises in public (outside the workshop room), you'll have the opportunity to interact with people as your character. That doesn't necessarily make the exercises harder or easier -- it just gives you more variety to play around with. Where else will you have the opportunity to face challenges and have new growth experiences in such a fun way?
If you do bring a costume, just wear it on the final day of CGW (Sunday), not for all three days.
If you're unfamiliar with Halloween, such as if you're from a country where Halloween isn't well-known, you can look it up via Google or Wikipedia, or ask about it in our forums.
Feel free to use the CGW forum to discuss costume ideas with other attendees if you'd like to coordinate what you'll wear as part of a group. Years ago one of my friends got a group of people together to dress as the Scooby Doo gang. They had a great time walking around Hollywood and posing for photos with tourists.
I invite anyone who will still be in town Sunday evening after the workshop to stay in costume and walk around the Las Vegas Strip together. That should be a lot of fun, as it's common for people to dress up and parade around after dark. I believe the Vegas Strip will be closed to car traffic that night, so the revelers can have the run of the place. It will be a fun way to celebrate the end of CGW. On Halloween the Vegas Strip basically becomes the world's biggest costume party.
Some useful links:
Conscious Growth Workshop (all the details, who should attend, what you'll learn, daily schedule)
Workshop FAQ (questions answered, travel advice, Las Vegas info)
Register NOW (take action, engage, make it so)
See you in Vegas!
Pursuing a Crazy Idea
Have you ever been struck by a crazy and impulsive idea, wondering what would happen if you actually pursued it? I recently had an experience like that, so I'm in a good place to share some insights about it.
On Wednesday I returned to Las Vegas after a 23-day road trip. It was an amazing journey through 9 U.S. states and 2 Canadian provinces, and I'm so glad I did it. For the purpose of this article, I want to focus on one particular day of that trip: Day 21.
Actually, the story of that day began the night before. I was staying in Columbia Falls, Montana, a small mountain town west of Glacier Park. I knew that I wanted to visit Yellowstone Park the next day, but I wasn't sure where I was going to stay the next night.
I figured that if I left before dawn, I could make it to Yellowstone by noon and still have several daylight hours to enjoy the park. But I didn't care to stay the night in Yellowstone or any of the surrounding towns. After Yellowstone, I wanted to hit Salt Lake City next. But from Columbia Falls, it's about a 6-hour drive to Yellowstone, and then it's another 6-hour drive from Yellowstone to Salt Lake City. Depending on which route I took, the total distance would be at least 750 miles. That was way too much driving for one day. I'd have to split the distance over two days and find a place to spend the night in or near Yellowstone.
But then some voice inside of me said, "Make the whole journey in one day. So what if it's crazy? It will be a kick-ass challenge. Frakkin' go for it!"
It was a crazy idea of course. Who in their right mind would do a 6-hour drive, explore Yellowstone Park for several hours, and then do another 6-hour drive -- all in one day? That's just nutso.
And yet, I couldn't shake the idea. I went to bed that night still dwelling on it. Part of me said I should go for it. Another part of me dismissed it as ludicrous. So I went to bed undecided. I didn't make any plans for where to stay the next night because I wasn't sure what I was going to do.
The next morning I popped awake at 4:45am. I packed up, got gas for the car, and hit the road at 5:50am. As I began driving to Yellowstone, snacking on apples and bananas so I wouldn't have to stop for breakfast, I was still possessed by the crazy idea of making it to Salt Lake City by the end of the day.
As I anticipated, I made it to Yellowstone Park just before noon, driving through some amazing terrain along the way. Going at my own pace, I visited many interesting sites including rivers, geysers, hot springs, Yellowstone Lake, and more. I saw deer and bison as well as a wolf and a small bear. I exchange light banter with other tourists. I witnessed a timely eruption of Old Faithful.
I've been to many national parks, and I've gone camping dozens of times, so I'm no stranger to such locations. I'd already been through the Canadian Rockies and Glacier Park on this trip, seeing some beautiful places like Lake Louise and Banff, but I was blown away by the natural beauty -- and the variety -- of Yellowstone. It's a truly magical place. In case you didn't know, Yellowstone is the world's very first national park.
By 4pm I'd seen everything I wanted to see. The crazy idea of immediately doing another 6-hour drive to Salt Lake City was still stuck with me, so I decided to go for it. This would mean breaking my previous one-day driving record by about double.
To make it even more insane, instead of taking the most direct route, I decided to take the scenic route, going south through Grand Teton Park. This would make the drive even longer, especially since it required spending a lot of time on winding mountain roads at about 45 miles per hour. And after that, it would require traveling down a series of single-lane highways through Wyoming, Idaho, and Utah.
But somehow I did it, reaching Salt Lake City at 10:30pm. I didn't know where I was going to stay in advance, so I used my cell phone to find a hotel and drove straight to it. I booked a room at the counter when I got there. Fortunately there was a 24-hour grocery store across the street where I was able to procure a late dinner.
I drove 790 miles that day (1270 km). Including the time I was driving through Yellowstone, I probably spent 13-14 hours behind the wheel. When I finally collapsed into bed and closed my eyes, I still felt like I was speeding down the highway. I also dreamt that I was driving.
It was a crazy idea, but it turned out to be an amazing, rewarding, and memorable day. I saw many fascinating sights along the way, all through territory I'd never visited before. A few times I was driving on such remote roads that more than 10 minutes would pass before I saw another car on either side. For a guy who grew up in Los Angeles, it's an unusual experience to see more cows than cars on the road.
The road trip itself was also a crazy idea. There were lots of reasons not to go. I wouldn't see my kids for 3+ weeks. I'd be neglecting my business projects. And so on. But then the crazy voice would chime in again: "Frakkin' go for it!"
When to Be Crazy
I'm sure there have been times in your life when you've had a crazy impulse. How do you know when it's a good idea to act on it?
I wouldn't say it's always a good idea to act on such impulses. Some impulsive ideas can be quite destructive. I've had experiences along those lines from my teen years, although in hindsight they still turned out to be powerful growth catalysts.
But other times, these urges are coming from a place within you that knows you're capable of more. It's the part of you that wants to stretch. It's the part of you that's tired of settling for the mundane and the routine. It's your passion trying to awaken.
How can you tell the difference? I think that comes from experience. As you selectively act on some of your impulse ideas, your wisdom will grow. You'll learn to push yourself without being self-destructive.
One aspect of wisdom is learning to trust yourself. For example, even as I pushed myself to do so much driving in one day, I trusted that I wasn't going to do anything too risky. A couple of times when I felt fatigued, I pulled over to a rest area and took a 20-minute nap. I continued driving when I felt refreshed and alert. When I thought I might be getting a leg cramp, I stopped and stretched for a while. And I always knew that if I got burnt out on driving, I could find a place to stay and quit for the day... or simply pull over and sleep in my car for a few hours. So I didn't back myself into a corner where I'd be forced to do something stupid or dangerous.
Another aspect of wisdom is staying in the sweet spot of challenge. I knew that it was physically possible for me to end up in Salt Lake City by the end of the day. I wasn't trying to do the impossible. But I could also see that it was going to be challenging. For me this crazy idea was right in the sweet spot. It was beyond anything I'd done before, so I'd have to push myself, but it was technically possible. If I could pull it off, it would be a nice growth experience for me.
My little story may not be that exciting to you, but that isn't the point. It's enough that it excited and challenged me. Your task is to pursue those crazy ideas that are exciting and challenging for you, regardless of what others might think.
Too Tight vs. Too Loose
If you act on every crazy idea that crosses your mind, you're playing too loose. Eventually you'll do something stupid that will backfire in a big way.
On the other hand, if you dismiss all of your crazy ideas without ever acting on them, then you're playing too tight. You'll miss some golden growth opportunities, and your life will become very dull and demotivating.
How do you know whether you're playing too tight or too loose?
If you're feeling stressed out by all the craziness in your life, or if your impulse actions are creating negative consequences that are a pain to deal with, then you're playing too loose. Tighten up a bit, and let some of those crazy ideas pass through your mind without acting on them. Pause and reflect on your impulse ideas before you act. Journal about them. Discuss them with a friend. Slow down, fire up your logical mind, and consider the potential consequences.
On the other hand, if you feel that your life is becoming boring and repetitive, and you're craving more passion and excitement, then you're playing too tight. It's time to push yourself more. Look for ways you can begin to act on some of your crazy ideas to see where they lead you.
Balance
For many years, my life was out of balance. Personal dreams like traveling were always pushed back as I tended to the more important career and contribution goals. When I considered doing some extended travel, it always seemed too selfish and low-priority. I could never justify it. My travel goals were perpetually stuck on my Someday/Maybe list. They were fantasies but not realities.
It was only when I allowed myself to finally act on the crazy impulse to travel that I broke through those limitations. That voice was there all along, but I'd always tuned it out. Eventually I came to see that all the limitations I had were self-imposed. I was the one who deemed it a bad idea to take time off for myself. It was my own limiting beliefs that said I'd be negligent if I didn't see my kids for a few weeks, or that I was being irresponsible if I let my business projects slide for a while.
It didn't matter how other people might judge me. I was my own harshest critic.
Even so, some people did judge me for it. I remember seeing one forum member post fairly critical feedback about the road trip idea. But by that point, I was already committed to it. Outwardly I ignored the feedback, but my inner response was, "Piss off, loser! I'm excited about this, and I'm doing it anyway."
But of course I was really saying "piss off" to the old limiting beliefs within myself, beliefs that I could clearly see weren't fulfilling me.
When I finally allowed the crazy part within me to express itself, I was pleased to see that I didn't self-destruct after all. Instead I began to feel I much more whole and integrated.
I remember when I was in the Canadian Rockies, looking across Lake Louise at the snowy mountains behind it, I thought to myself, "Maybe it's a little crazy that I drove thousands of miles to get here, but I'm loving it!"
I've spent about 9-10 weeks traveling out of state this year, with 4 of those weeks spent out of the country (5 weeks if you include Puerto Rico). By some people's standards, that may not be a lot, but compared to my previous pattern, it's a huge change. It's way more than I've traveled in any previous year. And I see it as just the beginning. In 2011 I intend to devote even more time to traveling.
Is it a good idea for me to spend so much time away from home, selfishly pursuing my own goals without trying to turn them in a work projects or a form of service for others? It's hard to say. The reasons not to do it are still in the back of my mind. I can focus on those reasons and slip back into my previous patterns, but I already know those patterns aren't as fulfilling as this crazy new one. So I'm going to keep pushing myself to act on that crazy voice, if only because I feel happier and more fulfilled when I do so.
Acting on your crazy voice can expand your sense of possibility. After driving almost 800 miles in a single day, the Western USA seems a little smaller to me now. If I wanted to, I could drive out of Vegas one morning and be in San Francisco, Denver, or Albuquerque by nightfall. I could even drive to Mexico. I'm not feeling inspired to do those things right now, but it's nice knowing that experiences that would have previously been outside my comfort zone no longer seem so daunting.
I'm now considering doing a road trip through Europe. I've never been there, despite the fact that traveling through Europe has been on my goals list forever. I think it would be fun to travel through many different countries by car, so I could see the countryside as well as the cities. Of course there are plenty of reasons not to do it, but how much will they really matter when I'm strolling through Paris?
When your life is out of balance, acting on your crazy voice can help you bust up patterns that aren't working for you, so you can create a life that's more challenging and more fulfilling. Easy is boring.
Despite their apparent illogical nature, there's a certain wisdom in acting on crazy impulses from time to time. They can help you discover new truths about yourself. They can expose you to new growth experiences you'd otherwise miss completely. And they can help you face challenges that will make you stronger.
When you return to your normal life after such an experience, it's not quite the same. It's easier to see what hasn't been working for you and change it. For example, when I returned from my trip a few days ago, I realized that my communication processes weren't working. I was still spending too much time and energy dealing with communication, and that was crowding out more important goals. Over the years I tried various ways of handling it, such as a FAQ and a well-crafted autoresponder, but after this trip I realized that I simply needed to shut off the flood. So a couple days ago, I took down my website's contact form, replacing it with a short page explaining the reasons why. While I love to connect with people, email is not the right medium for it -- it's too weak of a substitute for face to face interaction. I didn't have that level of clarity until taking this road trip, getting away from my routine for 3+ weeks, and coming back to see it through fresh eyes. There's a blog post about this if you wish to read the details.
What is your crazy voice telling you to do right now? What might happen if you acted on it this time?
Maybe the reasons not to act are valid and reasonable. Or maybe they're just limiting thoughts that have been keeping you stuck.
Frakkin' go for it!
Recommended Products
PhotoReading - Read books 3x faster.
Paraliminals - Accelerate your personal growth.
Site Build It! - Build an income-generating website.
Man Transformation - Attract a high-quality relationship.
Lefkoe Method - Permanently eliminate a limiting belief in about 20 minutes.
The Journal - Keep a secure journal on your PC.
Raising Your Vibration - Feel love and gratitude in less than 10 minutes.
15-Second Marketing - Create a strong marketing message to boost your income.
Follow me on Twitter and Facebook.
Read my book Personal Development for Smart People.
Accelerate your growth and make smart new friends by attending the Conscious Growth Workshop in Las Vegas.
Until next time, live consciously!
Steve Pavlina Newsletter Issue #27 - September 26, 2010
Beyond The Status Quo
Many people get stuck trying to make decisions, especially decisions with far-reaching consequences like moving to a new city, changing jobs, or exiting a relationship. We all face big decisions from time to time. The key is to make sure we don't get stuck with outcomes we don't want.
When you hesitate to make a decision, you've already made a decision for the time being. Your decision is to maintain the status quo. However, that may not be the choice you really want to make.
The Status Quo
It's easy to stick with the status quo because it's familiar. You don't have to do anything special to maintain it. By default you will keep working at the same job, living in the same city, and relating to the same people. But you're still making decisions to do these things. You don't have to stay put. You can take off for a new city if you want to.
So why don't you get up and leave right now?
One reason you don't get up and leave is that doing so would have consequences. If you abandon your job, you may lose some income. If you abandon your relationship, you may lose some companionship.
The potential negative consequences are what people often list when they explain why they're staying put. By focusing on the negative aspects of change, they see such changes as too risky, so they remain where they are.
Consequences of the Status Quo
The status quo has consequences too, however. It's unwise to dismiss potential changes out of hand without also considering the consequences of staying put.
The status quo's consequences can be harder to fathom. First, you'll have a tendency to take the short-term effects for granted because you're familiar with them. And second, you'll probably fail to give enough weight to the long-term consequences. Let's consider each aspect separately.
Short-Term Consequences
What are the short-term consequences of maintaining the status quo in your life? What do you experience on a daily basis? What is it doing to you right now?
How are your finances being affected? What limits are you being subjected to? What amounts of money are you not earning? What kind of lifestyle is beyond your reach?
How is your health being affected? Are you healthy and in good physical condition this very moment?
How are your relationships being affected? Are you enjoying the kinds of relationships you desire in your life right now?
How is your career being affected? Do you enjoy your work? Are you happy to show up each day? Do you feel productive? Are you making a meaningful contribution in accordance with your values?
Give yourself a quick 1-10 rating for the following areas of your life: finances, health, relationships, and career. What does your current status quo look like as of this moment?
Based on the short-term consequences you're already experiencing, is this status quo actually worth maintaining?
It may shock you to learn that the status quo you've been guarding as if it's some sort of valued treasure is actually a pathetic situation that other people would go out of their way to avoid.
Would you avoid your own status quo if you weren't already in it? Is this a situation you would willingly choose to enter?
If you wouldn't choose to enter into your current status quo if you were on the outside looking in, then -- plain and simple -- it means you want to get out. Maybe you're still in denial about that. If so, it's time to stop playing games and acknowledge that you need to change. And you need to do it now, not tomorrow.
Long-Term Consequences
Now let's look at the long-term consequences of the status quo.
Sometimes the status quo looks pretty good in the short term, but when you look at the long-term consequences, you may not like what you see.
Ask yourself where you'll most likely be in 20 years if you continue to maintain your current status quo in the areas of health, career, finances, and relationships.
Just speak aloud a verbal description of what each of these areas will look like. A few sentences about each one is all you need.
This isn't the time to play games with yourself. It's not the time to say "I don't know." If you say "I don't know," then you're being really foolish about this. You're the one making these decisions, so of course you know. You don't have perfect knowledge of what is to come, but by and large it's not that difficult to figure out what your life is likely to look like in 20 years if you keep doing what you've been doing.
Don't worry about the external factors like lucky or unlucky breaks. Pay attention to your inner character qualities. Those will play a major role in determining the long-term consequences of maintaining your status quo.
To predict how far you'll get in your career, look at your work habits. How disciplined are you? Do you set priorities and stick to them? Do you continue to develop your skills? Do you see a pattern of getting better year after year? Are you highly ambitious?
Or are you lazy and slothful? Are you passive and timid? Do you squander your time on unimportant tasks? Do you give your power away to excuses instead of taking full responsibility for your life? Do you fail to ask for raises and promotions and business deals?
Once you understand your character, it's not that difficult to make some predictions about where you'll be in 20 years. If your status quo character is strong, ambitious, and responsible, you can expect to go far. If your status quo character favors laziness, procrastination, and the childish "I don't know" excuse, then your situation 20 years from now will probably look the same or worse than your current situation.
Character Is a Cause
My favorite technique for understanding the long-term consequences of my status quo is to journal. I use journaling software for that. I write out where I am now, and I imagine that I'm looking at myself through the eyes of an objective observer. Then I try to make some predictions about where I'll be in 20 years if I stay on this path. I write down those predictions in a stream of consciousness manner; then I read them back and organize them into a more logical structure.
Most of the time, I see some things that I like and some things I don't like. Then I backtrack to the causes of each major consequence in my present reality.
Usually the causes have a lot to do with my character. The greatest predictors of where I'll end up are my self-discipline, focus, self-education, and willingness to work hard. The more disciplined I am right now, the better my future looks.
External factors don't seem to matter as much. Only the weak-minded project responsibility for their outcomes onto external factors like a chance meeting, a lucky business opportunity, etc. If you're strong-willed and disciplined, you create your own opportunities. A missed chance doesn't matter that much. There will always be more.
You'll probably find as I do, however, that there are some aspects of your character you aren't happy with. They create long-term consequences that can be difficult to look at. But you need to understand those consequences in order to correct the related character weaknesses today.
In the long run, laziness hurts. So does a lack of focus. So does a denial of responsibility for your life. Character weaknesses like these lead to crappy outcomes down the road.
The status quo you're experiencing right now is a result of your character interacting with the world. If you want to experience a better status quo, then you'll need to change the way your character interacts, which means you need to improve your character.
This will take time, but the first step is identifying how you want your character to change.
Do you want to be more disciplined? More ambitious? More generous? More organized? More intelligent with respect to how you live?
How would you like your character to continue to evolve?
Form an image of the character you'd really like to be, a character that has a positive present reality and positive long-term predictions for 20 years down the road. What kind of person is that?
Ultimately it's not your job situation or your relationships or your income level that determine your destiny. It's your character. We could take a totally different character and plop her into your life as-is, and immediately she'd begin doing things differently. She wouldn't tolerate the same things you'd tolerate. She might look at your relationship and exit it immediately. She might quit your job right away if it sucked. She might start packing if your living situation is below her standards. As you improve your character, you'll stop tolerating those aspects of your status quo that are beneath you, and change will happen quickly.
In other words, if your status quo isn't working for you, the true cause is a character defect. Some aspect of your character is weak and under-developed, and that's why you're stuck in the situation you're in. Some part of you has been lazy, naive, unfocused, irresponsible, stupid, etc. Your current status quo is a natural consequence of your character interacting with the world.
If you want a better status quo and better long-term results, then begin to act as your ideal character would. What would a more disciplined, focused, intelligent character do in your situation? Start behaving like that character, and you'll become increasingly like that character within. You'll also begin shifting to a better status quo.
The October CGW Might Be The Final CGW Ever
If you'd like to attend the Conscious Growth Workshop, then this may be your last opportunity to do so. Due to some new decisions I've made about where I want to take my life direction, I expect that the October workshop (Oct 29-31 in Las Vegas) will probably be the last one I deliver. Presently there are no other CGWs scheduled.
I explained the specific reasons for this decision in the recent blog post Hacking Reality: Subjective Objectivity. See the final section of that post for the details.
So if you want to attend CGW at all, this is the one to attend. If you can't attend this one, then most likely you'll miss out on CGW altogether.
The price for CGW is $497 through October 25th, after which it bumps to $597. You still have time to decide if you want to go and make travel plans. About 1/3 of CGW attendees come from outside the USA, so it really draws people from all over the world.
Remember that as soon as you register for CGW, you'll receive the 3 downloadable bonuses immediately, so you can begin using those to your advantage right away. At least one of those bonuses (The CGW Guide) contains advice to help you plan your trip to get the most out of your overall experience at CGW.
Some useful links:
Conscious Growth Workshop (all the details, who should attend, what you'll learn, daily schedule)
Workshop FAQ (questions answered, travel advice, Las Vegas info)
Register NOW (take action, engage, make it so)
See you in Vegas!
PhotoReading Discount Returns - Read Books 3x Faster
I recently made arrangements with Learning Strategies to reintroduce the 59% discount for PhotoReading. The last time they offered this discount was a few years ago, so they don't do this often.
The discount runs through October 15, 2010. This will save you about $300 if you get the Deluxe program, which is the version I have.
For further details on this, see my PhotoReading review.
Recommended Products
PhotoReading - Read books 3x faster.
Paraliminals - Accelerate your personal growth.
Site Build It! - Build an income-generating website.
Man Transformation - Attract a high-quality relationship.
Lefkoe Method - Permanently eliminate a limiting belief in about 20 minutes.
The Journal - Keep a secure journal on your PC.
Raising Your Vibration - Feel love and gratitude in less than 10 minutes.
15-Second Marketing - Create a strong marketing message to boost your income.
Follow me on Twitter and Facebook.
Read my book Personal Development for Smart People.
Accelerate your growth and make smart new friends by attending the Conscious Growth Workshop in Las Vegas.
Until next time, live consciously!
Many people get stuck trying to make decisions, especially decisions with far-reaching consequences like moving to a new city, changing jobs, or exiting a relationship. We all face big decisions from time to time. The key is to make sure we don't get stuck with outcomes we don't want.
When you hesitate to make a decision, you've already made a decision for the time being. Your decision is to maintain the status quo. However, that may not be the choice you really want to make.
The Status Quo
It's easy to stick with the status quo because it's familiar. You don't have to do anything special to maintain it. By default you will keep working at the same job, living in the same city, and relating to the same people. But you're still making decisions to do these things. You don't have to stay put. You can take off for a new city if you want to.
So why don't you get up and leave right now?
One reason you don't get up and leave is that doing so would have consequences. If you abandon your job, you may lose some income. If you abandon your relationship, you may lose some companionship.
The potential negative consequences are what people often list when they explain why they're staying put. By focusing on the negative aspects of change, they see such changes as too risky, so they remain where they are.
Consequences of the Status Quo
The status quo has consequences too, however. It's unwise to dismiss potential changes out of hand without also considering the consequences of staying put.
The status quo's consequences can be harder to fathom. First, you'll have a tendency to take the short-term effects for granted because you're familiar with them. And second, you'll probably fail to give enough weight to the long-term consequences. Let's consider each aspect separately.
Short-Term Consequences
What are the short-term consequences of maintaining the status quo in your life? What do you experience on a daily basis? What is it doing to you right now?
How are your finances being affected? What limits are you being subjected to? What amounts of money are you not earning? What kind of lifestyle is beyond your reach?
How is your health being affected? Are you healthy and in good physical condition this very moment?
How are your relationships being affected? Are you enjoying the kinds of relationships you desire in your life right now?
How is your career being affected? Do you enjoy your work? Are you happy to show up each day? Do you feel productive? Are you making a meaningful contribution in accordance with your values?
Give yourself a quick 1-10 rating for the following areas of your life: finances, health, relationships, and career. What does your current status quo look like as of this moment?
Based on the short-term consequences you're already experiencing, is this status quo actually worth maintaining?
It may shock you to learn that the status quo you've been guarding as if it's some sort of valued treasure is actually a pathetic situation that other people would go out of their way to avoid.
Would you avoid your own status quo if you weren't already in it? Is this a situation you would willingly choose to enter?
If you wouldn't choose to enter into your current status quo if you were on the outside looking in, then -- plain and simple -- it means you want to get out. Maybe you're still in denial about that. If so, it's time to stop playing games and acknowledge that you need to change. And you need to do it now, not tomorrow.
Long-Term Consequences
Now let's look at the long-term consequences of the status quo.
Sometimes the status quo looks pretty good in the short term, but when you look at the long-term consequences, you may not like what you see.
Ask yourself where you'll most likely be in 20 years if you continue to maintain your current status quo in the areas of health, career, finances, and relationships.
Just speak aloud a verbal description of what each of these areas will look like. A few sentences about each one is all you need.
This isn't the time to play games with yourself. It's not the time to say "I don't know." If you say "I don't know," then you're being really foolish about this. You're the one making these decisions, so of course you know. You don't have perfect knowledge of what is to come, but by and large it's not that difficult to figure out what your life is likely to look like in 20 years if you keep doing what you've been doing.
Don't worry about the external factors like lucky or unlucky breaks. Pay attention to your inner character qualities. Those will play a major role in determining the long-term consequences of maintaining your status quo.
To predict how far you'll get in your career, look at your work habits. How disciplined are you? Do you set priorities and stick to them? Do you continue to develop your skills? Do you see a pattern of getting better year after year? Are you highly ambitious?
Or are you lazy and slothful? Are you passive and timid? Do you squander your time on unimportant tasks? Do you give your power away to excuses instead of taking full responsibility for your life? Do you fail to ask for raises and promotions and business deals?
Once you understand your character, it's not that difficult to make some predictions about where you'll be in 20 years. If your status quo character is strong, ambitious, and responsible, you can expect to go far. If your status quo character favors laziness, procrastination, and the childish "I don't know" excuse, then your situation 20 years from now will probably look the same or worse than your current situation.
Character Is a Cause
My favorite technique for understanding the long-term consequences of my status quo is to journal. I use journaling software for that. I write out where I am now, and I imagine that I'm looking at myself through the eyes of an objective observer. Then I try to make some predictions about where I'll be in 20 years if I stay on this path. I write down those predictions in a stream of consciousness manner; then I read them back and organize them into a more logical structure.
Most of the time, I see some things that I like and some things I don't like. Then I backtrack to the causes of each major consequence in my present reality.
Usually the causes have a lot to do with my character. The greatest predictors of where I'll end up are my self-discipline, focus, self-education, and willingness to work hard. The more disciplined I am right now, the better my future looks.
External factors don't seem to matter as much. Only the weak-minded project responsibility for their outcomes onto external factors like a chance meeting, a lucky business opportunity, etc. If you're strong-willed and disciplined, you create your own opportunities. A missed chance doesn't matter that much. There will always be more.
You'll probably find as I do, however, that there are some aspects of your character you aren't happy with. They create long-term consequences that can be difficult to look at. But you need to understand those consequences in order to correct the related character weaknesses today.
In the long run, laziness hurts. So does a lack of focus. So does a denial of responsibility for your life. Character weaknesses like these lead to crappy outcomes down the road.
The status quo you're experiencing right now is a result of your character interacting with the world. If you want to experience a better status quo, then you'll need to change the way your character interacts, which means you need to improve your character.
This will take time, but the first step is identifying how you want your character to change.
Do you want to be more disciplined? More ambitious? More generous? More organized? More intelligent with respect to how you live?
How would you like your character to continue to evolve?
Form an image of the character you'd really like to be, a character that has a positive present reality and positive long-term predictions for 20 years down the road. What kind of person is that?
Ultimately it's not your job situation or your relationships or your income level that determine your destiny. It's your character. We could take a totally different character and plop her into your life as-is, and immediately she'd begin doing things differently. She wouldn't tolerate the same things you'd tolerate. She might look at your relationship and exit it immediately. She might quit your job right away if it sucked. She might start packing if your living situation is below her standards. As you improve your character, you'll stop tolerating those aspects of your status quo that are beneath you, and change will happen quickly.
In other words, if your status quo isn't working for you, the true cause is a character defect. Some aspect of your character is weak and under-developed, and that's why you're stuck in the situation you're in. Some part of you has been lazy, naive, unfocused, irresponsible, stupid, etc. Your current status quo is a natural consequence of your character interacting with the world.
If you want a better status quo and better long-term results, then begin to act as your ideal character would. What would a more disciplined, focused, intelligent character do in your situation? Start behaving like that character, and you'll become increasingly like that character within. You'll also begin shifting to a better status quo.
The October CGW Might Be The Final CGW Ever
If you'd like to attend the Conscious Growth Workshop, then this may be your last opportunity to do so. Due to some new decisions I've made about where I want to take my life direction, I expect that the October workshop (Oct 29-31 in Las Vegas) will probably be the last one I deliver. Presently there are no other CGWs scheduled.
I explained the specific reasons for this decision in the recent blog post Hacking Reality: Subjective Objectivity. See the final section of that post for the details.
So if you want to attend CGW at all, this is the one to attend. If you can't attend this one, then most likely you'll miss out on CGW altogether.
The price for CGW is $497 through October 25th, after which it bumps to $597. You still have time to decide if you want to go and make travel plans. About 1/3 of CGW attendees come from outside the USA, so it really draws people from all over the world.
Remember that as soon as you register for CGW, you'll receive the 3 downloadable bonuses immediately, so you can begin using those to your advantage right away. At least one of those bonuses (The CGW Guide) contains advice to help you plan your trip to get the most out of your overall experience at CGW.
Some useful links:
Conscious Growth Workshop (all the details, who should attend, what you'll learn, daily schedule)
Workshop FAQ (questions answered, travel advice, Las Vegas info)
Register NOW (take action, engage, make it so)
See you in Vegas!
PhotoReading Discount Returns - Read Books 3x Faster
I recently made arrangements with Learning Strategies to reintroduce the 59% discount for PhotoReading. The last time they offered this discount was a few years ago, so they don't do this often.
The discount runs through October 15, 2010. This will save you about $300 if you get the Deluxe program, which is the version I have.
For further details on this, see my PhotoReading review.
Recommended Products
PhotoReading - Read books 3x faster.
Paraliminals - Accelerate your personal growth.
Site Build It! - Build an income-generating website.
Man Transformation - Attract a high-quality relationship.
Lefkoe Method - Permanently eliminate a limiting belief in about 20 minutes.
The Journal - Keep a secure journal on your PC.
Raising Your Vibration - Feel love and gratitude in less than 10 minutes.
15-Second Marketing - Create a strong marketing message to boost your income.
Follow me on Twitter and Facebook.
Read my book Personal Development for Smart People.
Accelerate your growth and make smart new friends by attending the Conscious Growth Workshop in Las Vegas.
Until next time, live consciously!
Steve Pavlina Newsletter Issue #26 - September 7, 2010
New Facebook Fan Page
I'm happy to announce that yesterday I created a Steve Pavlina Facebook fan page. If you have a Facebook account, please feel free to friend me there by clicking the "Like" button at the top of that page.
So far hundreds of Facebook members have already joined, and the page hasn't been online for a full day yet. This page is a great way to connect with other personal growth enthusiasts. You may even find some people in your city that you can meet face to face.
Even though dozens of people suggested that I create a Facebook fan page, I resisted the idea for more than a year. Having a "fan" page sounded too cheesy to me.
The catalyst that pushed me over the edge was reading the book The Facebook Effect: The Inside Story of the Company That Is Connecting the World by David Kirkpatrick. This is a fascinating read if you care to learn about the history of Facebook. It helped me see the potential for creating a bigger Facebook community around my work.
There was also a practical problem to resolve. I've had a personal Facebook page for the past two years, but for most of that time, it's been maxed out at 5,000 friends (Facebook's limit). Facebook kept adding new friend requests to a waiting list which eventually grew beyond 1000 people. Eventually I nuked the whole waiting list and started over because it was making the page take too long to load, but it still surged back into the hundreds again. People would email me to ask, "Why won't you accept my friend request?" Some assumed I'd rejected them and wanted to know why.
A Facebook fan page has essentially the same functionality as a personal Facebook profile, but there's no limit on the number of connections you can have. The best part for me is that I don't have to manually approve connection requests (as with a regular profile page), so anyone who decides to join is instantly and automatically approved.
I suspect this new Facebook page will eventually overtake my personal Facebook page in terms of the number of connections. I'll probably clone my status updates on both pages for a while, and then I'll likely shift my attention to the new page as the number of connections grows.
I've been very active on Facebook and Twitter since I started using them, posting thousands of status updates, mostly intended to challenge and inspire. If you've seen my personal Facebook page, you already know how lively it is. You can expect the same level of activity on the new page.
So if you have a Facebook account, please join my new fan page there, and make some new friends. This will also make it easier to keep up to date on community happenings since you'll occasionally see my status updates in your Facebook news feed.
October 2010 Conscious Growth Workshop
Registrations for the upcoming OctoberConscious Growth Workshop are steadily increasing. We already have more people signed up for it than we did for the July workshop, and we still have seven weeks to go. This will probably be our biggest CGW of the year.
If you need help making hotel arrangements, check out the CGW discussion forum. Some attendees have been looking for rooms to share in order to save some money.
Remember that as soon as you register for CGW, you'll receive the 3 downloadable bonuses immediately, so you can begin using those to your advantage right away. At least one of those bonuses (The CGW Guide) contains advice to help you plan your trip to get the most out of your overall experience at CGW.
Some useful links:
Conscious Growth Workshop (all the details, who should attend, what you'll learn, daily schedule)
Workshop FAQ (questions answered, travel advice, Las Vegas info)
Register NOW (take action, engage, make it so)
See you in Vegas!
Awesome Goals vs. Crappy Goals
When you sit down to write out some new goals, I recommend that you take your first batch of brainstorms and literally toss them in the trash.
Whenever I ask people what their goals are, at least 95% of the time (I'm not exaggerating), the first things out of their mouths are absolute drivel. It's really no wonder they aren't getting what they want out of life.
Here are some representative examples of what people say when I ask what their goals are:
Be happier.
Make more money.
Move to a nicer place.
Improve my website.
Quit my job and do work I love.
Get a new car.
Lose weight.
Get a girlfriend.
Meditate more.
In terms of goal setting, this is pure unadulterated crap. If you set these kinds of goals, you will go nowhere. This level of thinking is a complete waste of time.
People who set these kinds of goals usually don't know what a really awesome goal looks like, so they set crappy goals by default. And they have the results to prove it -- no results of any consequence, that is.
Let me 'splain the difference.
Crappy goals include vague goals like be happier, make more money, and do work I love. They're wishy washy and non-specific. They're rooted in the hope that life will become better. But hoping doesn't work. Life will usually remain the same or get worse when you rely on hope. It might get better if you're lucky, but more often than not, such goals aren't going to help you. There's no point in setting these kinds of goals at all.
Crappy goals also include socially conditioned goals. Like a sheep you think you want something because you've been taught to want it. Deep down you don't really care all that much, but the goals seem like things you should want. Who doesn't want a nicer place to live or a new car after all? And wouldn't it be nice to lose some weight and get a girlfriend too? For most people these are very minor desires though, so low on the passion scale that they barely register. But more importantly, you don't need to set these kinds of goals because they'll come along for the ride anyway. You don't need to focus on the money, the new car, and the girlfriend as separate items to achieve. Those items will come into your life as side effects of working toward an awesome goal. A good flow of money is easy enough to achieve when you're doing something valuable and worthwhile, and a new car and a new relationship can both be gotten in a matter of hours. If you think those things are worthy of a place on your goals list, your thinking about goals is way too limited.
Awesome goals don't look like the ones on the list above.
When you set an awesome goal, it quickly becomes an obsession. It will infect you so much that you'll have a hard time thinking of anything else. You can't NOT focus on it.
When you get out of bed in the morning, you'll start thinking of your awesome goal within minutes. When you go to bed at night, it will be the last thing on your mind as you drift off to sleep. For days on end, you'll think about little else.
Being distracted from an awesome goal will annoy you. Even having to eat or sleep may bug you. Dammit, why do I have to be hungry again? I want to keep working on this.
When you tell people about an awesome goal, some of them will tell you you're crazy to want it... or to think you can achieve it. It will be too much of a stretch for them. They won't believe you can pull it off, and you probably won't be able to convince them.
When you ponder an awesome goal, you won't be concerned with why you want it. Your desire will feel almost like lust. You'll know with certainty that you have to have it, but you won't necessarily know why.
After setting an awesome goal, most of your pondering will be about the how. You'll become obsessed with figuring out how to make it happen. You're committed to finding a way or making one.
When you set an awesome goal, you'll feel powerful. You'll feel alive and energized and passionate. You'll move faster, type faster, and talk faster. You'll stretch and push yourself. You'll be operating at the edge of your limits.
An example of an awesome goal from my life was when I decided to graduate from college in 3 semesters. Once I set that goal, I became obsessed with it. I couldn't fully explain why I wanted it or how I expected to achieve it. I just knew I had to make it happen. It would be more accurate to say that the goal set me, as opposed to vice versa.
People told me I was crazy to attempt such a thing. No one was supportive or encouraging. But I was committed, so I tuned them out. Listening to naysayers was a waste of time. Deep down I knew they were clueless. They didn't understand the kind of power source I was tapping into. They couldn't see into my heart and know how committed I was.
An awesome goal is ridiculously motivating. Once you allow it to infect you, there's no shaking it.
Crappy goals are common to lots of people. There's nothing unique or special about them. Everyone wants to make more money, for instance. Awesome goals are yours and yours alone. They aren't someone else's goals. They aren't something you've been conditioned to want. They belong to you. An awesome goal is like a custom-made sword designed for your grip. No one else can wield it like you can.
Crappy goals are someday goals. You can get moving on them next week or next month. You'll get to them eventually. There's no rush. Notice the other meaning of that last sentence. There's no RUSH -- no adrenaline, no excitement, no passion. Awesome goals are NOW goals. They're urgent and immediate. You'll find yourself working on them automatically, even when you notice you've been hungry for the past hour. Delay will irritate you.
Crappy goals are safe and timid. They've been done before. There's a process for achieving them. Awesome goals are dangerous and ballsy. In order to achieve them, you'll have to leave your comfort zone behind. You'll have to blaze new trails and figure out your own process to get there. If you succeed, other people will be following you, as opposed to vice versa.
What awesome goal lurks within the depths of your being, waiting to be consciously acknowledged? What bold and scary goal have you been trying to bury beneath a pile of crappy goals?
Isn't it about time you stopped trying to convince yourself that you want those crappy goals? I know they look nice on the surface, but no matter how ornately you try to package them, they're still boring as hell. It's like the Ikea furniture in the movieFight Club. Maybe you should just firebomb those goals en masse and be done with them. You don't really want them anyway, do you? Even if you get there, it's a hollow and meaningless accomplishment. You might as well watch TV instead.
In the end, you'll only feel good about yourself if you know you did your best, and only an awesome goal can bring out your best. Average performance isn't good enough to achieve an awesome goal. You have to kick ass, or you'll fail. You have to get yourself to do those things you know you should do in order to perform at your best, but the crappy goals don't have the power to get you there. They just aren't motivating enough. Seriously, it's easier to watch TV.
Do you even know what your best looks like? Would you like to find out? Do you realize how incredibly good you'll feel at the end of just one day of doing your very best?
A crappy goal can't even bring out your best for one full day, can it? But what would your life look like if on most days, you could operate at or near the level of your best? You'll be so far ahead of the game that your crappy goals will end up being checked off as mere side effects of your awesome goal.
Set an awesome goal today. It's already there inside you. Look at it. Acknowledge it. Let that goal set you. When the fears and doubts come up, allow them to pass over you. Keep thinking about the goal. It's possible. You can actually make it happen -- if you do your very best. Then you'll really be living, perhaps for the first time in your life.
Recommended Products
PhotoReading - Read books 3x faster.
Paraliminals - Accelerate your personal growth.
Site Build It! - Build an income-generating website.
Man Transformation - Attract a high-quality relationship.
Lefkoe Method - Permanently eliminate a limiting belief in about 20 minutes.
The Journal - Keep a secure journal on your PC.
Raising Your Vibration - Feel love and gratitude in less than 10 minutes.
15-Second Marketing - Create a strong marketing message to boost your income.
Follow me on Twitter and Facebook.
Read my book Personal Development for Smart People.
Accelerate your growth and make smart new friends by attending the Conscious Growth Workshop in Las Vegas.
Until next time, live consciously!
I'm happy to announce that yesterday I created a Steve Pavlina Facebook fan page. If you have a Facebook account, please feel free to friend me there by clicking the "Like" button at the top of that page.
So far hundreds of Facebook members have already joined, and the page hasn't been online for a full day yet. This page is a great way to connect with other personal growth enthusiasts. You may even find some people in your city that you can meet face to face.
Even though dozens of people suggested that I create a Facebook fan page, I resisted the idea for more than a year. Having a "fan" page sounded too cheesy to me.
The catalyst that pushed me over the edge was reading the book The Facebook Effect: The Inside Story of the Company That Is Connecting the World by David Kirkpatrick. This is a fascinating read if you care to learn about the history of Facebook. It helped me see the potential for creating a bigger Facebook community around my work.
There was also a practical problem to resolve. I've had a personal Facebook page for the past two years, but for most of that time, it's been maxed out at 5,000 friends (Facebook's limit). Facebook kept adding new friend requests to a waiting list which eventually grew beyond 1000 people. Eventually I nuked the whole waiting list and started over because it was making the page take too long to load, but it still surged back into the hundreds again. People would email me to ask, "Why won't you accept my friend request?" Some assumed I'd rejected them and wanted to know why.
A Facebook fan page has essentially the same functionality as a personal Facebook profile, but there's no limit on the number of connections you can have. The best part for me is that I don't have to manually approve connection requests (as with a regular profile page), so anyone who decides to join is instantly and automatically approved.
I suspect this new Facebook page will eventually overtake my personal Facebook page in terms of the number of connections. I'll probably clone my status updates on both pages for a while, and then I'll likely shift my attention to the new page as the number of connections grows.
I've been very active on Facebook and Twitter since I started using them, posting thousands of status updates, mostly intended to challenge and inspire. If you've seen my personal Facebook page, you already know how lively it is. You can expect the same level of activity on the new page.
So if you have a Facebook account, please join my new fan page there, and make some new friends. This will also make it easier to keep up to date on community happenings since you'll occasionally see my status updates in your Facebook news feed.
October 2010 Conscious Growth Workshop
Registrations for the upcoming OctoberConscious Growth Workshop are steadily increasing. We already have more people signed up for it than we did for the July workshop, and we still have seven weeks to go. This will probably be our biggest CGW of the year.
If you need help making hotel arrangements, check out the CGW discussion forum. Some attendees have been looking for rooms to share in order to save some money.
Remember that as soon as you register for CGW, you'll receive the 3 downloadable bonuses immediately, so you can begin using those to your advantage right away. At least one of those bonuses (The CGW Guide) contains advice to help you plan your trip to get the most out of your overall experience at CGW.
Some useful links:
Conscious Growth Workshop (all the details, who should attend, what you'll learn, daily schedule)
Workshop FAQ (questions answered, travel advice, Las Vegas info)
Register NOW (take action, engage, make it so)
See you in Vegas!
Awesome Goals vs. Crappy Goals
When you sit down to write out some new goals, I recommend that you take your first batch of brainstorms and literally toss them in the trash.
Whenever I ask people what their goals are, at least 95% of the time (I'm not exaggerating), the first things out of their mouths are absolute drivel. It's really no wonder they aren't getting what they want out of life.
Here are some representative examples of what people say when I ask what their goals are:
Be happier.
Make more money.
Move to a nicer place.
Improve my website.
Quit my job and do work I love.
Get a new car.
Lose weight.
Get a girlfriend.
Meditate more.
In terms of goal setting, this is pure unadulterated crap. If you set these kinds of goals, you will go nowhere. This level of thinking is a complete waste of time.
People who set these kinds of goals usually don't know what a really awesome goal looks like, so they set crappy goals by default. And they have the results to prove it -- no results of any consequence, that is.
Let me 'splain the difference.
Crappy goals include vague goals like be happier, make more money, and do work I love. They're wishy washy and non-specific. They're rooted in the hope that life will become better. But hoping doesn't work. Life will usually remain the same or get worse when you rely on hope. It might get better if you're lucky, but more often than not, such goals aren't going to help you. There's no point in setting these kinds of goals at all.
Crappy goals also include socially conditioned goals. Like a sheep you think you want something because you've been taught to want it. Deep down you don't really care all that much, but the goals seem like things you should want. Who doesn't want a nicer place to live or a new car after all? And wouldn't it be nice to lose some weight and get a girlfriend too? For most people these are very minor desires though, so low on the passion scale that they barely register. But more importantly, you don't need to set these kinds of goals because they'll come along for the ride anyway. You don't need to focus on the money, the new car, and the girlfriend as separate items to achieve. Those items will come into your life as side effects of working toward an awesome goal. A good flow of money is easy enough to achieve when you're doing something valuable and worthwhile, and a new car and a new relationship can both be gotten in a matter of hours. If you think those things are worthy of a place on your goals list, your thinking about goals is way too limited.
Awesome goals don't look like the ones on the list above.
When you set an awesome goal, it quickly becomes an obsession. It will infect you so much that you'll have a hard time thinking of anything else. You can't NOT focus on it.
When you get out of bed in the morning, you'll start thinking of your awesome goal within minutes. When you go to bed at night, it will be the last thing on your mind as you drift off to sleep. For days on end, you'll think about little else.
Being distracted from an awesome goal will annoy you. Even having to eat or sleep may bug you. Dammit, why do I have to be hungry again? I want to keep working on this.
When you tell people about an awesome goal, some of them will tell you you're crazy to want it... or to think you can achieve it. It will be too much of a stretch for them. They won't believe you can pull it off, and you probably won't be able to convince them.
When you ponder an awesome goal, you won't be concerned with why you want it. Your desire will feel almost like lust. You'll know with certainty that you have to have it, but you won't necessarily know why.
After setting an awesome goal, most of your pondering will be about the how. You'll become obsessed with figuring out how to make it happen. You're committed to finding a way or making one.
When you set an awesome goal, you'll feel powerful. You'll feel alive and energized and passionate. You'll move faster, type faster, and talk faster. You'll stretch and push yourself. You'll be operating at the edge of your limits.
An example of an awesome goal from my life was when I decided to graduate from college in 3 semesters. Once I set that goal, I became obsessed with it. I couldn't fully explain why I wanted it or how I expected to achieve it. I just knew I had to make it happen. It would be more accurate to say that the goal set me, as opposed to vice versa.
People told me I was crazy to attempt such a thing. No one was supportive or encouraging. But I was committed, so I tuned them out. Listening to naysayers was a waste of time. Deep down I knew they were clueless. They didn't understand the kind of power source I was tapping into. They couldn't see into my heart and know how committed I was.
An awesome goal is ridiculously motivating. Once you allow it to infect you, there's no shaking it.
Crappy goals are common to lots of people. There's nothing unique or special about them. Everyone wants to make more money, for instance. Awesome goals are yours and yours alone. They aren't someone else's goals. They aren't something you've been conditioned to want. They belong to you. An awesome goal is like a custom-made sword designed for your grip. No one else can wield it like you can.
Crappy goals are someday goals. You can get moving on them next week or next month. You'll get to them eventually. There's no rush. Notice the other meaning of that last sentence. There's no RUSH -- no adrenaline, no excitement, no passion. Awesome goals are NOW goals. They're urgent and immediate. You'll find yourself working on them automatically, even when you notice you've been hungry for the past hour. Delay will irritate you.
Crappy goals are safe and timid. They've been done before. There's a process for achieving them. Awesome goals are dangerous and ballsy. In order to achieve them, you'll have to leave your comfort zone behind. You'll have to blaze new trails and figure out your own process to get there. If you succeed, other people will be following you, as opposed to vice versa.
What awesome goal lurks within the depths of your being, waiting to be consciously acknowledged? What bold and scary goal have you been trying to bury beneath a pile of crappy goals?
Isn't it about time you stopped trying to convince yourself that you want those crappy goals? I know they look nice on the surface, but no matter how ornately you try to package them, they're still boring as hell. It's like the Ikea furniture in the movieFight Club. Maybe you should just firebomb those goals en masse and be done with them. You don't really want them anyway, do you? Even if you get there, it's a hollow and meaningless accomplishment. You might as well watch TV instead.
In the end, you'll only feel good about yourself if you know you did your best, and only an awesome goal can bring out your best. Average performance isn't good enough to achieve an awesome goal. You have to kick ass, or you'll fail. You have to get yourself to do those things you know you should do in order to perform at your best, but the crappy goals don't have the power to get you there. They just aren't motivating enough. Seriously, it's easier to watch TV.
Do you even know what your best looks like? Would you like to find out? Do you realize how incredibly good you'll feel at the end of just one day of doing your very best?
A crappy goal can't even bring out your best for one full day, can it? But what would your life look like if on most days, you could operate at or near the level of your best? You'll be so far ahead of the game that your crappy goals will end up being checked off as mere side effects of your awesome goal.
Set an awesome goal today. It's already there inside you. Look at it. Acknowledge it. Let that goal set you. When the fears and doubts come up, allow them to pass over you. Keep thinking about the goal. It's possible. You can actually make it happen -- if you do your very best. Then you'll really be living, perhaps for the first time in your life.
Recommended Products
PhotoReading - Read books 3x faster.
Paraliminals - Accelerate your personal growth.
Site Build It! - Build an income-generating website.
Man Transformation - Attract a high-quality relationship.
Lefkoe Method - Permanently eliminate a limiting belief in about 20 minutes.
The Journal - Keep a secure journal on your PC.
Raising Your Vibration - Feel love and gratitude in less than 10 minutes.
15-Second Marketing - Create a strong marketing message to boost your income.
Follow me on Twitter and Facebook.
Read my book Personal Development for Smart People.
Accelerate your growth and make smart new friends by attending the Conscious Growth Workshop in Las Vegas.
Until next time, live consciously!
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)