StevePavlina.com Personal Development Insights Newsletter Issue #65 - November 28, 2014

Imaginary Men (New Audio Program)

Last week I announced the release of a brand new audio program called Imaginary Men -- nine hours of material that I recorded with several coaches over the course of three days in Santa Barbara, California.

One unusual aspect of this program is that everything we shared -- growth lessons, stories, and embarrassing moments -- was shared spontaneously with no pre-planned material. Our intention was to explore and discuss insights about personal growth and relationships that you would enjoy and appreciate. With six people in the discussion, all with different backgrounds and experiences, this format gives you a unique opportunity to explore with us -- something that isn't possible with a one-sided lecture.

It's been gratifying to read the delightful feedback from people who've been listening to Imaginary Men and enjoying it this past week. I've been especially pleased to see that so many women are buying and downloading it.

Although Imaginary Men was created by a group of men (hence the title), I'd naturally expect that many women would love to hear what we shared, especially since we talked in depth about our relationship experiences, mistakes we've made, and how we find growth-oriented partners. There were no women in the room when we made these recordings, so we felt free to be very candid.

If a group of six growth-oriented women got together to discuss their relationship lessons and experiences with men, I'd certainly be interested in hearing what they had to say, especially if there were no men present while the recordings were made.

In addition to the audio content, we also included several video bonuses. One bonus seems to be especially popular -- it explores ways to overcome social anxiety and to become more socially confident.

I've shared more details about Imaginary Men on my blog, so I'll refer you there to learn more. Or you can visit the Imaginary Men website to download your copy and start listening.

Sonic Access Mindfest - Free Online Event Starts Dec 1st

Learning Strategies and Paul Scheele are hosting another Mindfest that you can listen to online, and like their previous Mindfests, it's completely free.

This one is called the Sonic Access Mindfest. It combines transformational music with Paraliminal technology for a very relaxing approach to personal growth.

Here are the schedule and session descriptions, provided by Learning Strategies:

Sonic Access Introduction
Day 1 - Monday, December 1
During the first day of the Sonic Access Mindfest, you will discover how ancient civilizations used the remarkable healing power of sound vibrations. You will also see how you can tap into your body's complex energy field to align your personal intentions and manifest your goals.

Sonic Access for Success - Paraliminal
Day 2 - Tuesday, December 2
On Day Two, you begin using "Paraliminal" sessions designed for this program. If you haven't experienced a Paraliminal, you are in for a pleasurable treat. During this session you will focus on the success you desire to create in your life. You will ask yourself "How would I choose to live if I knew I could not fail?" This is your opportunity to manifest your greatest reality!

Sonic Access for Health - Paraliminal
Day 3 - Wednesday, December 3
During Day Three, your focus will shift from success to your health. Before the session, think of an important health goal for yourself. It might be something like "I choose to eat healthful foods and exercise at least three times a week." "I choose to heal pain in my body." "I choose to balance my emotions."

Sonic Access for Relationships - Paraliminal
Day 4 - Thursday, December 4
With today's special Paraliminal session, you will dissolve emotional and spiritual blocks to free yourself from fear, anger, and resentment so that you enjoy positive and loving relationships. This is a perfect day to boost your relationship with your partner, or anyone important to you, even a difficult person that is front and center in your life.

Sonic Access for Spiritual Growth
Day 5 - Friday, December 5
On the final day of the Sonic Access Mindfest, you will access powerful frequencies to align your body's energy system and for your spiritual growth.

Get free access to the Mindfest here: Sonic Access Mindfest

If you need any help getting access to the Mindfest, just drop an email toinfo@learningstrategies.com, and they'll be happy to walk you through it.

Enjoy!

Lifestyle Design Convention - January 10-11, 2015

I'll be speaking at the Lifestyle Design Convention in January in Zurich, Switzerland. I welcome you to attend if the location is accessible for you.

Organized by Kai Christen, this two-day event brings together a variety of speakers to share their wisdom, lessons, and how-to knowledge about lifestyle design. I'm especially interested in hearing what the other speakers have to say since Rachelle and I are both embarking on a major lifestyle transition. As I shared in my blog last week, we're massively downsizing our possessions, and next year we intend to go nomadic and travel around the world continuously.

If you visit the Lifestyle Design Convention website, you can also watch a short video interview that Kai and I did a while back.

Tickets for this event will increase in price after Nov 30th, so this would be a good time to sign up if you're interested in exploring lifestyle design with dozens of like-minded people. These events are often very life-changing, not to mention a great deal of fun!

I'll be spending about a week in Zurich, and Rachelle will be there too. So if you see us at the event, be sure to walk right up, share a hug, and introduce yourself.

Once again, we're flying to Europe with only one-way tickets, so once we're there, we'll follow the path of inspiration until we decide it's time to return home. Later next year, this mode of living will become a central part of our ongoing lifestyle since we won't have a static place to call home anymore.

Twitter Impersonation

As many people have already discovered, someone has been impersonating me on Twitter recently. After I closed and deleted my social media accounts in July (and explained why in my blog), someone apparently re-registered my old Twitter account and started posting under the same account name (stevepavlina), pretending to be me and using my name, my website URL, and a photo of me. The account has been posting a bunch of generic self-help quotes that aren't actually from me. Since this was re-registered as a new account, the follower count was reset to zero, so this person didn't just inherit all of my previous Twitter followers. But the URL for the Twitter page is the same one I'd previously been using for years, so I'm sure there are still a lot of links to it. The follower count is up to a few hundred people now, many of whom may not realize they're being duped.

Twitter permits people to have fan accounts, but it's against their Terms of Service for people to impersonate others. Moreover, this sort of activity is also illegal. So whoever is using that account is breaking the law as well as violating Twitter's ToS.

I'm also aware that people have been reporting this impersonation activity to Twitter, asking them to shut it down. I can verify that Twitter knows about this since someone from their support department contacted me about it after someone else reported it. Then they actually wanted me to prove to them that I am who I am, even though I don't even use their service and they contacted me. Even so, I shared the proof that I own StevePavlina.com and verified that it's not my account anymore, giving them enough info that should satisfy any reasonable person. But then they wanted even more proof, asking me to send them a copy of my ID. I felt that was going too far. I'm not going to jump through hopes to prove that I am who I am so as to satisfy their ridiculous rules.

As far as I'm concerned, if Twitter isn't going to honor their own Terms of Service and allow illegal activity on their service, that's between Twitter and its users. I no longer have a Twitter account and don't use their service anymore. Twitter has already been made aware of the situation and has acknowledged it.

I'm sharing this since I want you to know that if you interact with someone on Twitter or Facebook who's pretending to be me, it isn't me since I don't have accounts with those services. How you deal with such people is entirely up to you.

Creating Your Reality vs. Obeying Traditions

During the 1960s the term Black Friday was used by police officers in Philadelphia to refer to the terrible "black" day they could expect after Thanksgiving, a day of traffic jams, overcrowded public spaces, and mandatory 12-hour shifts. For the police and for some other city employees, it was a predictably miserable day.

Today the term refers to a day when retailers attempt to persuade people to spend lots of money on consumer goods.

This Thanksgiving weekend (from Thursday through Sunday), the average holiday shopper in the USA will spend over $400. About 140 million Americans are expected to shop during this time.

Why do people participate in this holiday shopping frenzy? Some genuinely enjoy it as a fun and festive activity. Others simply conform to the social expectations that tell them to spend a lot of money at this time of year, mostly on gifts.

I enjoy the festive spirit that many people exude around this time of year. But I found the obligatory annual gift-buying unsatisfying... sometimes annoying. I wasn't very good at shopping for other people, nor did I really care to get good at it. I realized that the only reason I was still participating in holiday gift exchanges was because of social pressure. I was obeying a social command.

Of course we don't actually have to obey social commands if we don't feel they're aligned with our values and desires. We can always opt out and accept the consequences of doing so. A natural consequence of opting out of buying gifts for others is that they won't likely buy gifts for you. That seems fair, doesn't it?

A few years ago, I opted out of holiday gift exchanges, letting everyone know I would no longer participate -- including for birthdays, Christmas, or anything else. I made it clear that I didn't expect gifts from anyone else either. I let them know that I appreciated their previous gifts but didn't want to maintain this tradition since it didn't feel good to me.

What happened? There was a minimal amount of resistance at first, and then everyone accepted it. Actually I think some were relieved that they no longer had to buy gifts for me. My decision made their lives easier.

Now every time the holidays come around, I feel relieved and grateful that I'm no longer expected to participate in gift exchanges. Looking back, I realize that that feeling of obligation reduced some of my enjoyment at this time of year. I often saw obligatory gift buying as an unwelcome, forced addition to my to-do list. Now that I've opted out, I enjoy the holiday season a lot more. I am so incredibly glad that I don't have to repeat the same cycle of gift buying year after year.

Seeing other people go into a buying frenzy actually makes me smile because it reminds me how much I appreciate my freedom. It's the same feeling I get when I see people going to work on a Monday morning.

As Kahlil Gibran wrote in The Prophet, "If you grudge the crushing of the grapes, your grudge distils a poison in the wine." If you don't enjoy an activity yet engage in it anyway, you ruin the output. Who actually wants to receive a gift that was purchased out of obligation instead of choice?

If you're going to obey your social conditioning, then obey it because you truly agree with it. Do it because you're choosing it freely, not because you feel obligated or because you fear or resist the consequences of opting out.

Black Celebrations

In the USA the Thanksgiving holiday is traditionally celebrated with a dead animal on the table, which people then devour. That was always how my family celebrated it. But when I went vegetarian and then vegan many years ago, that part of the tradition didn't feel good to me. I'd feel sad about the unnecessary violence and disappointed in the people around me for their lack of compassion. I don't see how spending time with family should require violence towards animals. A non-vegan holiday dinner is always a black celebration.

For many years after going vegan, I still participated in those big family holiday dinners, doing my best to suppress the sadness and disconnection I felt. I appreciated that my Mom would make some extra vegan items to accommodate my diet. But I still felt incongruent under those conditions. I was participating out of obligation.

Some time ago I finally realized it was time to stop participating in such traditions. So I stopped. No more black celebrations.

Now when I celebrate Thanksgiving and other holidays, I do so in alignment with my values instead of obeying traditions that conflict with my values. Some years I've celebrated Thanksgiving potluck style with dozens of other vegans. Other times (like yesterday), I enjoyed a beautiful dinner with my girlfriend and her amazing cooking, followed by a nice walk in the cool night air. It feels so much better to me when the holiday isn't infected with an undercurrent of violence towards animals.

Why continue to participate in obligatory black celebrations when you can create your own pure celebrations in alignment with your values?

Obligation or Freedom

When you choose to modify your reality to bring it into alignment with your values, there will be some side effects of course. You may initially fear or resist those effects. Social pressure will often make minor consequences appear scary and threatening.

When you decline to obey some obligation, it's fair to expect that people will balk at you. Your decision will probably surprise them. There's no need to fear this. Let them have their reactions. Just stick to your decision, and give them time to adjust. If they can see you're certain, they'll usually get over it quickly. And even if they don't accept it, you can still adhere to your decision -- at least for the sake of your own sanity and growth.

The hardest part of this is accepting that when you bring yourself into greater alignment with your values, you're going to feel more distanced from people who have incompatible values. There's a tendency to cling to these relationships even when strong values conflicts are present, but in the long run this just leads to insecurity and resentment.

If your values are out of sync with your traditions, obligations, and expectations, do yourself a favor and update the latter instead of compromising the former. You'll never be happy and fulfilled if you keep violating your own values.

As a creative being, you're more powerful than any tradition. You aren't obligated to obediently follow someone else's tradition, no matter how firm or established it may seem. You're always free to choose a fresh path for yourself.

There are some parts of my past traditions that I still like, so I keep those parts and make them my own. As for the rest, I discard or modify it to match my values. Now whenever the holidays roll around, I feel so much better. The tension-creating aspects have been discarded.

When you release incongruent obligations, you'll enjoy the added benefit of unlocked more of your creative abilities. You'll summon more freedom and power to sculpt and reshape other parts of your life. The more incongruent traditions you shed or adjust, the more you'll feel empowered to take bigger steps away from others' expectations and deeper into an exploration of your most cherished values.

Another way of saying this is that you cannot isolate disempowerment. When you obey incongruent traditions and practices, you weaken your whole being. You trample your creative energies. You make yourself powerless across the board. The good news is that whenever you shed one of these incongruencies, you regain some creativity and power that you can apply to all parts of your life.

A Moving Target

Your values are always shifting and changing. They aren't static entities. Staying aligned with them can be quite a challenge.

My perspective on this is that aligning your reality with your values is supposed to be a lifelong process. This is your primary path of growth and development. It is not a static state to be achieved once, with victory declared and complacency to follow. Alignment is a moving target. As soon as you overcome one hurdle, another presents itself.

I find that I can still enjoy a delightful sense of fulfillment even when my reality isn't quite aligned with my values -- as long as I'm actively making process to increase the alignment. It's the movement that matters. Even baby steps provide feelings of progress.

Yesterday while Rachelle made dinner, I processed and set aside several more bags of personal possessions to donate to charity. Relative to the entire project, it was only a small step, but it felt good to take that step. Deciding to let go of those items that I no longer need makes me feel a little more aligned with my values. I feel a little lighter... a little freer... a little more empowered to take the next step.

During this time of year, I encourage you to question how you feel about the traditions and practices you're still obeying. What expectations do you feel compelled to satisfy? Do you feel good about them? Are they aligned with your values today? Or do you feel stressed and pressured to conform and obey? Could you create a purer alternative if you chose to do so?

When in doubt just ask yourself: Is this [tradition / event / celebration / practice] really me? If your answer sounds like, "Oh yes, this is so me!" then keep it going. Otherwise you have some changes to make.

Realize that you are free -- free to choose, free to change, free to opt out, free to create anew. You do not have to obey any tradition that has fallen out of sync with your values. You can create your own traditions that make you happy to practice them.

Steve Recommends

Here are my recommendations for products and services that I've personally reviewed and which I believe can help you on your personal growth journey. This is a very short list since it only includes my top picks.

Site Build It! - Build an income-generating website.
Lefkoe Method - Permanently eliminate a limiting belief in 20 minutes.
PhotoReading - Read books 3x faster (discounted for my readers).
Paraliminals - Accelerate your personal growth (discounted for my readers).
Getting Rich with Ebooks - Earn passive income from ebooks.
Sedona Method - Free Audio - Learn to release blocks in a few minutes
The Journal - Keep a secure journal on your PC.
Life on Purpose - Discover your life purpose.

Until next time, live consciously!

 

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