StevePavlina.com Personal Development Insights Newsletter Issue #63 - July 2, 2014

StevePavlina.com Personal Development Insights Newsletter

Issue #63 - July 2, 2014 - www.StevePavlina.com

Conscious Life Workshop in Las Vegas

I'm thrilled to announce that you can now register for our upcoming 3-day Conscious Life Workshop. The dates are August 22-24, 2014 (Friday-Sunday). The workshop will be at the Golden Nugget Hotel and Casino in Las Vegas.

All the workshop details can be found on the Conscious Life Workshop page.

The main theme of CLW is lifestyle design. It's specifically about how to follow your path with a heart AND earn plenty of money to fund your path -- without having to get a regular job. The goal of the workshop is to help you create new income streams in alignment with your values, your conscience, and your desire to contribute.

CLW will be a very personal workshop. The point isn't to teach you to do what I do, but rather to draw out the strategies, habits, and skills that will work for your unique mix of values and abilities. To really personalize the workshop for the people in the room, I've been sending a few simple questions to everyone who signs up, inviting them to share more details about their journey thus far, so we can tailor the workshop for their specific needs and desires.

CLW will be very interactive too -- with a good mix of instruction, exercises, stories, demonstrations, games, group sharing, and fun challenges. This workshop is for people who want to learn by doing, so you can return home with new skills, new friends to support you, and a new vision of how to create and fund the lifestyle you desire.

Please keep in mind that the $100 early bird discount is good through July 22, so you'll get the best possible deal if you sign up between now and then. We also have a group discount rate with the hotel, which is good through July 22 as well.

Take a look at the Conscious Life Workshop page, and see if you think it's a good fit for you.

Workshop FAQ

If you have questions about the workshop, please consult the Workshop FAQ first. It packs in a lot of info.

I did my best to anticipate any questions you may have about the workshop, travel arrangements, and staying in Las Vegas. If you have a question that isn't answered there or on the main workshop page, please submit it via my contact form, and I'll be happy to help.

Slutty Indulgence

One of my favorite ways to experience life is through total immersion in something that grabs my attention. When I get into something new, I like to REALLY get into it. I love that my lifestyle gives me the ability to obsess over a new hobby or interest for as long as I desire.

An example would be when I began exploring raw foods. I spent many hours reading websites on the subject. I bought and read several books about raw foods. I bought a juicer, a dehydrator, nut milk bags, and various other kitchen items. I paid for coaching from a long-term raw foodist. I drove to Raw Spirit Fest in Sedona, Arizona, where I watched lectures, indulged in free samples, talked to vendors, and attended food prep demos. I went to local raw food meet-ups and potlucks and hosted some at my house. I went to farmers' markets and bought lots of organic produce. I tried many new recipes. I did multiple trials of different variations of a raw foods diet, including one for six months.

This is my favorite way to learn. I figure that if something is worth exploring, it's worth exploring deeply. I like to fully become what I explore rather than just dabbling in it.

Being Slutty

I sometimes think of this part of my personality as the slut. For some people this word has a negative connotation. I see it as a compliment. If I call someone a slut, it means I think highly of them for indulging in their passions so completely.

What is a slut anyway? Technically it's used to refer to someone who indulges in sexual experiences with multiple partners. That seems like a very positive thing to explore, especially when it's done very consciously and lovingly. It means you're spending time making people feel good.

To be truly slutty, however, you must break the rules of conservative society. Those stick-in-the-mud types will label you as going off the deep end for indulging in your passions and interests. I say let them. Leave them behind to wallow in their freakish misery. Or poke fun at them for their stick-in-the-mudness since getting them to laugh at their stuckness can help wake them up a bit.

While it's certainly possible to take your sluttiness too far, such as by endangering yourself or others, I do think that some degree of slutty indulgence is a perfectly valid -- and delightful -- part of personal growth.

There's only so much we can learn through casual dabbling, by reading, and by watching videos.

Slutty Surprises

I like to use the slutty indulgence approach even when I suspect it may be a bad idea. By indulging in something that catches my attention, I enjoy the occasional surprise. I find new growth experiences where I didn't expect to find them.

A few years ago, Rachelle and I took a road trip to Napa Valley in California. We spent a full day visiting five different wineries, tasting several wines at each one. At the last winery, we sat on the back porch overlooking the vineyard, while sipping some fairly generous wine samples and playing fetch with a dog as the sun set behind the hills. It was a beautiful Sideways-inspired moment.

Prior to this trip, I had somewhat negative associations to wine. There was a point in my life where I went several years without having so much as a sip of any type of alcohol. I wouldn't even use vanilla if it had alcohol in it. I've never had any addiction issues with alcohol -- I don't seem to have the gene that predisposes me to find it addictive -- but in college I definitely over-indulged in it, so swearing it off seemed like a good thing.

But with the Napa trip, I gave myself permission to indulge. By giving myself the opportunity to explore my indulgent side, I really enjoyed the experience and learned a lot from it. I learned more about wine making than I ever knew before. I learned how to tell a good wine and a bad wine. I learned to pay attention to the subtleties of taste in ways I never bothered to notice.

I also learned that the price of the wine has little to do with its quality. I learned about the marketing side and how consumers can be manipulated, which helps me watch out for similar tactics in other fields. I discovered that most of my favorite wines can be gotten for $10-15 a bottle.

If you want a very simple tip for finding good wines, pick up a random red wine in the $10-15 price range from Costco. I'd say you have about a 75% chance of getting a pretty good one. Since Costco doesn't have the biggest selection, they're very selective about which wines they carry and have a team of savvy people who decide what to stock. So even though they carry fewer varieties than most large stores, the average quality and value are much higher than elsewhere. What they do stock is generally good and sold at a good price. I get better results from random Costco selections than from going into a dedicated wine store and getting a personal recommendation, even if I pay a lot more at the wine store.

I never thought I'd enjoy wine. It seemed like such a fluffy, perhaps even self-destructive thing to try. I used to look down on people who were into it. But I've since learned that a little indulgence here and there adds a lot of spice to my life. It helps me pay more attention to aesthetics, which is something I've had a tendency to discount in the past.

I'm no sommelier, but I also find it fun and rewarding to introduce other people to wine, especially those I expect would enjoy it but who don't know much about it. In terms of personal growth, it's fun to have developed a new skill set. Even though I still consider this exploration trivial compared to other interests, I still get some enjoyment from it, and the skill set has also been gradually transferring to other parts of my life. For example, I now pay more attention to the subtleties of touch than I used to. Just as every wine is different, every cuddle session can take on different subtleties as well. :)

Indulging in Mistakes

What if you indulge in the wrong thing and it turns out to be a mistake?

I think it's perfectly okay to make mistakes. I happen to like making mistakes I can be proud of. They can be terrific growth experiences, packed with valuable lessons.

My first attempt at running a computer game company was a grand mistake to be sure. I indulged in my passion for computer games and started a business right after graduating from college. I had no prior business training or relevant experience. I got an office in El Segundo, California. I put a team together. I created some game demos. I hired an agency to help me get publishing deals. I signed contracts and began working on retail projects. Partly through luck, I did a lot of things right. But I made some major mistakes along the way. I picked bad business partners. I spent too much money too quickly. I took on too much risk. I didn't pay enough attention to income generating activities. I tried to impress publishers instead of making games for the players. Results-wise I sank into debt and went bankrupt. But despite that result, I did successfully indulge in starting a business and working in the computer gaming industry. I got financially spanked for it, but I still did it.

As a result of that indulgence, I learned so many lessons about business, money, productivity, and more. I developed many new skills during that time, such as the ability to understand and negotiate legal contracts. I created my first website in 1995, which got me started with doing business online. Behind those mistakes were a lot of positive stepping stones. I had no idea that what I learned back then would benefit me so much with my personal development business years later. With the benefit of hindsight, I can say I'm glad I didn't just dabble in game development. I gave it my slutty indulgent best.

Indulging in your temptations isn't always such a bad thing. Sometimes there are unseen benefits you might never otherwise discover. Maybe there's a reason you find certain possibilities so attractive. What might happen if you gave yourself permission to fully indulge in them for a while instead of semi-resisting them?

Small Obsessions

One of the key lessons I learned when I was broke was that I have the power to create a life that I love no matter what my finances look like. One of the ways I do this is by giving myself the freedom to obsess over the little things in life. There's something about slutty indulgence that can make life a lot of fun, even when our personal resources may be scarce.

When I didn't have extra money to spend, I loved to indulge in long walks at night. I loved to obsess about my favorite music. I loved to check out five or ten books or audio programs from the library and devour them all. I used to love going to a local bookstore, grabbing a book from the shelf, and trying to read the whole thing in one sitting, so I wouldn't actually have to buy the book. Sometimes I'd even take notes, treating the bookstore as my personal library. :)

Even when I was a kid, I used to love obsessing about my favorite interests. One of my favorite songs when it first came out was "Down Under" by Men at Work. My next door neighbor loved that song too. We used to tape record it each time it played on the radio -- and it got a lot of air time, so that wasn't hard to do. Then we would have our own cassette tapes that could play the song repeatedly without having to rewind. We did a challenge together to see who could record "Down Under" the most number of times in a weekend. I won by recording it 14 times in a row. Then I had a cassette where I could listen to it 14 times without having to rewind. Of course this was before the days of CDs and MP3 players where you could much more easily play a single track repeatedly. And at least today you don't have to feel pissed off when the radio announcers talk over the music. :)

Moderation has its place, but don't overlook the value of obsession. When you look back on your life, do you find it easier to remember your moderate days or your obsessive ones? As you age, would you rather look back on your moderate memories? Or would you prefer to recall your slutty indulgences? I'll take the slutty memories. :)

Slutty Relationships

I especially love slutty indulgence when it comes to exploring relationships.

Socially we're conditioned to avoid taking social risks. We're taught that rejection is something to be feared. We don't allow ourselves to shamelessly broadcast the personality traits that would make us a one for some people and a ten for others. Instead we broadcast that safe six to seven middle range for everyone. Sixes and sevens don't have to worry much about rejection, but they don't get many invites either.

If you don't take the risk of repulsing someone, you'll never be as attractive as you could be.

Personally I think the personal growth teachers who promote that we should transcend our egos have been smoking way too much pot. Can you imagine what it would be like to live in a totally ego-less society? I'd put a bullet in my brain from sheer boredom.

I think we're better off doing just the opposite. Let's develop even stronger egos and broadcast our desires shamelessly. Show the world who you really are.

Some corporations would love to strip you of your personality quirks. People with drab personalities make great automatons. But what does that do to your life then?

I'd rather live in a world of strong personalities and characters. That doesn't have to lead to violent confrontation. I think it would reduce violence since then it would be so much easier to find and connect with other strong-willed, like-minded people. We'd have so many slutty opportunities to indulge in our passions together that we wouldn't need to waste time on conflicts.

Once we let go of the delusion that we're such pure, ego-transcendant angels, then we can finally release the guilt and disappointment of not measuring up to that phony standard. And we can enjoy tremendous freedom to be fully and shamelessly ourselves.

Holistic Sluttiness

What if someone accuses you of being too slutty? Instead of defending yourself, raise. Take ownership of your desire for slutty indulgence. Make holistically slutty invites with others when you think it would be fun and rewarding to indulge with them as well. Don't apologize. Poke fun at them for even having an issue with it. This has the benefit of giving them permission to explore their indulgences with you, knowing that you're not going to judge them for it.

Suppose a woman says to me, "I'm concerned that maybe you just want to use me for my body."

In that case I might reply, "I TOTALLY wanna use you for your body. You look really yummy to me. If you hang around, you're going to be so sore the next day! Then after you recover, we can indulge in all sorts of other yumminess together too." Then I'll suggest other ways we could indulge in exploring and connecting together.

If the woman isn't used to guys being this honest and direct, or if she suspects it's some kind of manipulation she's never encountered before, or if she doesn't like this type of playful spirit, it may scare her off. I'm okay with that. I love women who can join me on the slutty indulgence path.

It's fun to delve into a deep connection quickly and see where it leads. I find this preferable to traditional dating, which is way too sluggish for me. I'd rather connect with someone where we can explore a mutual "hell yes" together, as opposed to being strung along by a "well maybe."

It's wonderful having a like-minded girlfriend. When Rachelle and I are together, I'll suggest seemingly crazy and indulgent experiences for us to try next, partly to see how she reacts. One of my favorite things to say to her is: Talk me into it, or talk me out of it. She knows that when I suggest a potential new slutty indulgence, she has the option to see the fun side of it and to lean into it with me. Or she could steer me away from an idea if she dislikes it.

After binge-watching season 2 of House of Cards earlier this year, I said to Rachelle, "Let's go to Washington, DC! It'll be fun!" It was February and freezing cold there. A couple days later we were on a plane. We had a blast freezing our butts off while exploring the Capitol for a week.

In April we went skydiving together.

In June we got a fancy new espresso machine and have been experimenting with all kinds of new espresso drinks. It has 16 different grind settings!

In 2005 I wrote an article called How to Give Up Coffee. That's where I was in 2005. Perhaps in a month or two, I could write, "How to Make Great Espresso."

Sluttiness and Identity

How can you reconcile slutty indulgences with your sense of identity? Might you worry about being too random? What about violating your values?

I do have very strongly held values, and I like having a sense of consistency on my path. My values include growth, learning, and exploration, so identifying myself as an explorer works very well. This is a nice way to give myself permission to fully indulge in the sluttiest of explorations without losing my sense of self.

This also gives me a good way to weed out the reasonable explorations from the unreasonable ones. I love to indulge when I expect to learn something new. But if I feel there's nothing new for me on that path, or if I feel the explorations would ultimately be self-defeating, I'd rather avoid them.

I like exploring in areas where I don't know what to expect. I am still surprised a lot. I learn more from the surprises than I do from the predictable outcomes.

Since I also have the capacity to share what I learn on this path, even if I make some mistakes now and then, I can still help people by sharing my mistakes and what I learned from them. So even when I fail, it becomes a positive lesson to share.

Discovering New Passions

Later this month I'll be going to the Winnipeg Fringe Festival. I love independent theater. In the summer of 2012, I saw about 60 plays at the Winnipeg and Edmonton Fringes. Every play is a unique experience. I never knew I'd like independent theater since I had virtually no exposure to it until Rachelle introduced me to it in 2010. Now it's one of my favorite slutty indulgences. I'll probably see a few dozen plays this month.

We have a tendency to hold ourselves back from exploring when we don't know what to expect. But this leaves us always waiting for the next big event. Then the big event happens, and we're a bit disappointed because it turned out to be predictable and boring.

What about those in-between days? Are they supposed to be dull and repetitive? What if you added some slutty indulgences to your days?

Don't you think it would add more value to your life if you tried something new today -- a tasty new wine... a tasty new espresso drink... a tasty new Canadian? ;)

I found it very empowering to realize that I can make nearly every day of my life a passionate affair through the practice of slutty indulgence. Even if I'm doing something that seems commonplace and mundane, I can still pour my heart into it. I can take a six or seven and turn it into a nine or ten by adding some overly enthusiastic, slutty passion into it.

What slutty indulgence possibilities have you been suppressing? What temptations could you explore?

Go explore! You have permission. :)

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Steve Recommends

Here are my recommendations for products and services that I've personally reviewed and which I believe can help you on your personal growth journey. This is a very short list since it only includes my top picks.

Site Build It! - Build an income-generating website.
Lefkoe Method - Permanently eliminate a limiting belief in 20 minutes.
PhotoReading - Read books 3x faster (discounted for my readers).
Paraliminals - Accelerate your personal growth (discounted for my readers).
Getting Rich with Ebooks - Earn passive income from ebooks.
Sedona Method - Free Audio - Learn to release blocks in a few minutes
The Journal - Keep a secure journal on your PC.
Life on Purpose - Discover your life purpose.

Until next time, live consciously!

 

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