StevePavlina.com Personal Development InsightsNewsletter
Issue #66 - February 25, 2015 - www.StevePavlina.com
Imaginary Men Update
 I'm happy to share that the experimental project Imaginary Men that I mentioned in my last newsletter has been very well received. We've sold hundreds of copies of it so far, and the feedback from listeners has been wonderful to see. :)
I especially enjoy reading stories from listeners who've been sharing how Imaginary Men helped nudge them to make some positive changes... and the beautiful experiences they had as a result of taking action. In some cases people pushed themselves to initiate new connections based on their honest desires, and as a result of this newfound alignment, they finally connected with compatible, like-minded partners. It's great to hear that people have found this program so motivational in that regard.
Please keep the feedback coming! We really appreciate the opportunity to learn what you're gaining from the program and how it's helping you get new results.
To learn more about Imaginary Men, see my blog post about it. Or visit the Imaginary Men website to download your copy and start listening.
Project Hugfest
During the Conscious Life Workshop in August 2014, the attendees did a special creative challenge. This resulted in a major hugfest in downtown Las Vegas, which was filmed and edited to create a 2-minute video. I shared the details of this project in my blog, as well as the video.
Check it out here: Project Hugfest.
Or jump straight to the video.
If you like the video, feel free to share it with others who might enjoy it too. Many people have told me it put a smile on their face.
Hugs! :)
Accepting the Worst Case
It's expected that sometimes when you take a risk, you're going to fail. Sometimes the worst case outcome will actually happen. This isn't something to be feared or dreaded. It's a normal part of reality.
One practice I find helpful is to think about the realistic worst case outcome in advance, accept it as a genuine possibility, and decide how I'll handle it if it happens.
Suppose I book a new workshop, for instance, and I try to sell tickets for it. What's the worst case outcome?
If nobody signs up for it, that would be undesirable of course, but if things are that bad, I could cancel the event with the venue and just lose my deposit. I wouldn't even have to show up and do the event. The worst case is that I'd lose some money. And I might feel a bit disappointed that no one wanted to go. But I'd also learn that I made a mistake somewhere, so I could avoid making that same mistake again. As long as I don't risk too much money up front, the worst case really isn't that bad. Consequently, if I can handle the potential loss, I can accept the risk of booking new workshops without feeling too stressed about it.
Another possible outcome would be if only one or maybe just a few people signed up. In that case, I could inform them of the situation and ask them what they wanted to do about it. If they wanted to cancel and get a refund, I'd do as they wished. But if even one person still wanted to attend the event, then I'd go forward with it. With a very small group, we could skip the formal hotel venue and perhaps just meet up more casually for a few days. Then the workshop would become more like a private coaching session. But it should still work well enough and provide plenty of value to attendees. So this is another outcome I could accept; it wouldn't be ideal, but if it were to happen, I could surely handle it.
I considered these possibilities when I did my first public workshop in 2009. I'd never done such an event before, so I really had no idea how many people might sign up. It's one thing for people to express interest in coming to a live event, but it's another thing entirely for them to pull out their credit cards and actually register, especially if they have to travel to a different city.
I felt at peace, however, since I'd already considered the worst case outcomes regarding registrations and decided in advance how I'd handle those situations. I even thought about how I'd handle other situations such as an expected power outage during the workshop, an accidental double-booking by the hotel, etc.
One time when I was attending Hay House's I Can Do It! Conference, the venue made a horrendous mistake. They double-booked another large event for the same meeting rooms on the same days. I can only imagine what a nightmare that must have been when Hay House showed up to do their conference for thousands of people, only to discover that the meeting space they'd booked had already been assigned to someone else.
So what happened? Hay House and the venue worked quickly to set up makeshift meeting room areas by subdividing a huge warehouse-like space behind the main stage. Instead of walls between each speaking area, they were only separated by drapes, and due to the high ceilings, everything was open at the top. This wasn't so good for the speakers or the attendees because many sessions were happening simultaneously, all of them right next to each other, so there was major noise-bleed between adjacent areas. The audio techs were constantly tweaking the levels to make each session loud enough for the attendees to hear, but not so loud as to drown out nearby sessions. This was an impossible task, but they did the best they could. It certainly wasn't ideal, but the audience was forgiving, the conference went on, and everyone adapted.
It's wonderful when you get the outcome you desire — or something better. But sometimes the worst case situation (or nearly the worst case) is going to happen, and you'll just have to roll with it.
Shouldn't You Avoid Negative Thinking?
Some people worry that if they think about undesirable situations, they might accidentally attract what they'd rather avoid.
Take a step back, and look at the bigger picture here. How does each way of thinking affect you in the long run?
If you ignore negative outcomes, but in the back of your mind you feel they could still possibly happen, how does that make you feel? In my case I'd probably feel more anxious. I'd be worried that I'm not as prepared as I could be.
But what if you think through the worst case situations and decide in advance how you'll handle them if they happen? When I engage in that kind of thinking, I find that it relaxes me in the long run. I actually feel more prepared.
In my experience the second mode of thinking usually yields the more positive frame of mind. I'm looking at reality with open eyes and facing it squarely. I'm not succumbing to denial and false hope. I'm not getting bogged down in perfectionism and analysis paralysis. I'm creating stronger reasons to feel confident and optimistic. I know that whatever happens, I'll handle it. This helps me release unnecessary fear and anxiety. I don't need perfect control over the situation because I feel confident that I can adapt to whatever comes up.
Self Trust vs. Perfectionism
Many people who suffer from perfectionism try too hard to prevent unwanted outcomes. They waste energy on over-preparing because they lack confidence in their ability to handle the unexpected. Since it takes way too much preparation for them to try anything remotely risky, they feel paralyzed and end up doing nothing.
Many years ago I used to spend a full day, sometimes longer, to prepare for a 7-minute speech. I had to write out the speech word for word, give it many editing passes, memorize it, and rehearse it over and over. Then I'd feel prepared because I'd know exactly what I was going to say and how I was going to say it. There would be little risk of screwing up, but this approach was very time-consuming.
One thing that helped me get past this rigid approach was to join a comedy improv troupe for a few months, which I did in the summer of 2006. That forced me to learn how to think on my feet. I screwed up a lot, but due to the nature of improv, I laughed off the mistakes because they're just part of improv. Mistakes are to be expected and are completely fine. I realized that making mistakes on stage was really no big deal. It was so freeing to give myself permission to make mistakes and recover from them instead of trying to avoid all mistakes in advance. This greatly reduced my prep time for doing speeches.
These days I can get up and give a two-hour talk without even feeling any need to prepare in advance. Public speaking is like having a conversation; I can just dive in and do it. If I was attending an event and one of the other speakers didn't show up, and they needed a replacement to take the stage immediately, I could easily do that. In fact, I'd love it -- it would be fun and stimulating. This isn't because I have hours of memorized content in my mind; I don't. It's because I accept that if I make a mistake here and there, I'll just keep going, and it will be okay. I also know that I can adapt to the audience as I get a feel for their desires and interests, just like I would during a casual conversation.
If I say something that makes the audience groan, I might smile, slap myself on the wrist, and say, "Bad Steve!" If I accidentally spill water on myself, I could say, "I really shouldn't do shots backstage before coming out to speak." If someone asks me a question I don't know the answer to, I could say, "I honestly have no frakkin idea. Does anyone here know how to answer that?"
One friend of mine tripped and broke his foot while trying to jump up onto a stage. Another friend was leaning back on a chair and fell backwards off the stage. And yet another friend once set fire to the stage by accident. They all recovered, and they all continue speaking.
You don't have to avoid every possible mistake. Some mistakes are really no big deal and don't actually need to be avoided. Instead of investing so much time in trying to avoid mistakes, give yourself the opportunity to make more mistakes, to get used to them, and to regard mistakes as no big deal so they don't scare you so much.
What If They Say No?
Sometimes just being able to accept a negative outcome can encourage you to take action when you've previously felt paralyzed. If you can accept the negative outcome, you may not even need to worry about preventing it because even if it happens, you'll still be okay.
Some people I know who enjoy very abundant relationship lives are incredibly good at accepting an undesirable outcome. They can risk rejection again and again because rejection doesn't scare them. They expect to get rejected now and then, so they don't even worry about preventing it. A rejection is usually quick anyway; it's over and done with quickly, often in a matter of seconds. It's so much easier in the long run to accept rejection than to try to avoid it.
“What if they say no?” is such a common fear. It stops many people dead in their tracks.
I encourage you to accept in advance that you may indeed hear that dreaded no. Look at the positive side of that no. That no is progress. It lets you move on. It relieves you of doubt. That no is freedom.
If you never risk a no, you're going to miss out on many wonderful yeses — the lucrative raises you could have received, the loving connections you could have enjoyed, the amazing adventures you could have experienced.
Try not to regard your worst case outcomes as dreadful scourges to be avoided at all costs. Instead, see them as clarifying agents that help you refine your life path. Each no helps you see where the yeses are. Each setback reveals fresh avenues of advancement. Each incompatibility unveils a new desire.
Steve Recommends
Here are my recommendations for products and services that I've personally reviewed and which I believe can help you on your personal growth journey. This is a very short list since it only includes my top picks.
Site Build It! - Build an income-generating website.
Lefkoe Method - Permanently eliminate a limiting belief in 20 minutes.
PhotoReading - Read books 3x faster (discounted for my readers).
Paraliminals - Accelerate your personal growth (discounted for my readers).
Getting Rich with Ebooks - Earn passive income from ebooks.
Sedona Method - Free Audio - Learn to release blocks in a few minutes
The Journal - Keep a secure journal on your PC.
Life on Purpose - Discover your life purpose.
Until next time, live consciously!
This newsletter is uncopyrighted. Feel free to share it, such as by forwarding it to friends or by posting it on your blog.
www.StevePavlina.com
|
|
No comments:
Post a Comment